Ever had the feeling that your whole world
is crashing down on you & all you wanted to do is curl up in bed,
cry your heart out & never wake up?
Where all you wanted was to be in the arms of the people you love?

It's true, i have not been myself lately. Depression spells keep coming & going, coming & going. And i know it's affecting my man somewhere, somehow.
There he is, worried sick that i'll walk away from him when the truth is, i am the one worried that he'll walk away from me if i continue being this way.

I've been feeling a whole of confusion these days. From wanting to leave him so that he can be happy without all this drama.
To wanting to be a bitch & stop him from doing all these things.
To wanting to go MIA from him, just like that.
But i just can't bring myself to do it. I can't.
It hurts too much to know that i will only be hurting him more if i do such.
It hurts too much to even imagine what my life would be without him in my life.
I just couldn't bear to lose the man i love so much who means more than those other guys i've been with.
And it's killing me by the moment, trying to figure out how to make things better again, how to make things like how it used to be. When it was only "Tazzy & Apiz" & no one else. =_(



These days, i feel like i'm being scrutinised for every single thing i do. At work, at home, even when i'm with him. I'm trying so hard to please everyone, that i'm starting to think that i forgot all about myself. But hey, not everything is about me isn't it? So if this is where i have to be to see the people i love happy, then i am willing to sacrifice what big or little things i have.

But right now, all i want to do is just curl up in bed, cry my heart out & just wished i never wake up.