Broken.

22 September 2010 12:49 AM

"Can we pretend that aeroplanes in the night
sky, are like shooting stars?
Cause i could really use a wish
right now."

Those nightmares don't dare come near me when he's around.
Those sad thots don't dare touch me when he's near.
Those fear don't dare appear, when he's beside me.
I've been smiling, laughing when he's around. Cause it makes me feel safe, knowing that he's there when i turn my head.

But somehow, i'm scared this is all just an illusion. Scared that this is all a dream, a wish playing with my heart.

He gave me his words. Told me that he'll never leave me.
Told me that now, he's the one who is scared to lose me.
When i hear all those, it somehow helped lifted the fears, the worries. But as soon as it left, it came back again. Reminding me to be on my toes, reminding me to keep my wall up. Never letting my guard down.

Yes, my wall is back. The wall where i've kept holding on to.
The wall where i've kept people behind it, never wanting them to get to me, to have the chance to hurt me.
The wall where i've guarded my heart, never lettin anyone near it, never letting anyone tear it apart.
I never wanted to build this wall up again, but somehow that night, it slowly built itself up. Protecting me, pulling me further & further away.

I never wanted this to happen. Never wanted all these feelings & thots to come my way again.
I never wanted to be the one looking at someone & be haunted of the things that happened. Never wanted to see him this way.
I never wanted to live with this fear. Never wanted to be torn apart with all this hurt.
I Never Wanted.

All i'm wishing is to make everything ok. Make everything the way it used to be. When it was only you & me & US. When all we wanted was to see the other smile. When all we wanted was to be loved, by u & me.

I don't want to make things hard for you love. I don't even want to feel this way anymore. But with no solid ground to fall back on, i still can't push all these feelings aside.
I'm not asking you to get the stars for me.
I'm not asking you to make October happen.
I'm not asking you to grant my every wish.
I'm not asking you to be with me 24/7.
All i'm asking for, is for you to still love me the way you always do.
& to never let me go.

We had magic, & this is so tragic.

19 September 2010 6:52 PM

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
That's alright because
I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
That's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but
I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like
I'm in flight
High off of love drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffin'
paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm
about to drown, she resuscitates me, she fuckin' hates me
And I love it,
wait, where you goin'?
I'm leavin' you, no you ain't come back
We're runnin' right back, here we go again
So insane, cause when it's goin' good
it's goin' great
I'm superman with the wind in his back, she's Louis Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snap
Whose that dude?
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I never stoop so low
again
I guess I don't know my own strength

You ever love somebody so
much you can barely breathe
When you with em you meet and neither one of you
even know what hit em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used
to get em
Now you're getting fuckin' sick of lookin' at em
You swore
you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em
Now you're in each other's
face spewin' venom in your words when you spit em
You push pull each other's
hair
Scratch pop hit em throw em down pin em
So lost in the moments when
you're in em
It's the face that's the culprit,
So they say it's best to
go your seperate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today that was
yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken
records playin' over
But you promised her next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no nintendo game,
Now you
get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window
pane

Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean
And
we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as
bad as mine is, you're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as
blinded
Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our
relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a
tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away
though
Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear
sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the
eyeball
Next time I'm just gon aim my fist at the drywall
Next time
there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm
tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar if she ever tries
to fuckin' leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
That's alright
because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
That's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

THE WAY YOU LIE.

God heard my prayers & made it come true. He showed me what i had to do. He showed me what i'm heading for. & i'm ready.

I'm gonna make my words a reality. Make you realise how true i'll be to you. No matter what you do, no matter how you break me, i'm gonna stick to my words.
It'll kill me. It'll tear me apart. It'll even change me. But a promise is still a promise. A promise to make you the last one. To never make you a rebound. To see you happy. & if it makes you happy doing all that, then go my love. Go. Cause theres nothing more i could ask for than see you happy.

So for now, just let me be & remember those words i said to you last night. Because till my last breath, i am never gonna leave you.

06 September 2010 1:51 PM

I've passed a stage in my life. A stage with such a big impact, i don't know where to go.

Things btwn BF & me? Have been oh so wonderful. What with all those quarrels, those "I HATE YOU" moments & those "YOU KNOW I CAN"T LIVE WITHOUT YOU" moments. He's been a great pillar of strength for me ever since the day i knew him.
Yes, those Friendster days.. Where he was still a flirtatious jerk even when he already had a gf. -____-"

But if it wasn't for friendster, i wouldn't be with this wonderful guy right now. =)
Oh seriously, he wasn't exactly my choice for the next BF. But he came along & guess what? We're reaching our 1 year. =)

I'm glad that i sticked to my promise of not gonna treat him as a rebound. I'm glad i tried my very best to still be with him even when he's being an asshole. & i'm glad, that he put up with all my whimps & tantrums all these while. =)

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As most of you should probably know by now, i'm on hospitalisation leave till 20th Sept. Cause of it? Ask me personally & i'll consider telling you. =)
So yes, my days are spent with me eating & eating. Thus leading to all sorts of new nicks by my friends. PBG = Perangai Budak Gemok lahh, Babat lahh, Bulat lahhh. All sorts of nicks lah that has got to do with me being FAT. -__-"
Sesungguhnye mmg kwn2 aku semua cruel. Bluekk!

I'm a happy lady. A happy lady with lots of people who love & cares for me. & i am very very much greatful for them. Especially mother dear, Bf , Baby Girl & the PGs. Without them, who knows where i am right now.

Forgive my rantings. Because i am very very much too bored waiting for the Bf to bath, "berdandan" & get here. FB holds nothing for me now, considering the fact that i was on FB the whole of yesterday night. So apparently there is nothing new that can excite me in there.

Ah well. Time to freshen up the armpits & lay down on the couch like Cleopatra till Bf reaches here. To which i hope i won't be falling asleep. =)

Author

I've withstand the harshest pain & hurt a human can get. My weakness is love. And i'll do anything for the people i love. I've been told that i can be intimidating, but at the end of the day, i might just be your best friend. I do not wish to hate but if i've been hated, i'll be more than please to return the favour. Simply said.. I'm known as P G Tazzy Yana or Tazz. I'm 22. I have 1 daughter,ZAPHIA. I'm a part of P G. And i'm happy with my life.

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