That FACE. That SMILE. That LAUGH. That EYES. That SCENT. That HUG. Got me crumbling to my knees & wishing i never had to let you go. I wanted to kiss you. Wanted to feel you. Wanted you to want me back. But something stopped us.
I wanted so badly to follow you back & cuddle in your arms, in that small bed of yours.. where it was the cosiest place on earth. I wanted to stop you from going, wanting you to stay & be by my side till the sun rised. I wanted to never let you go, but still i know.. it was all never gonna happen.

And now, here i am. Back to square one. Back to those days where i just want to sleep & never wake up. Back to those days where i'll keep playing "OUR" song, over & over again. Back to those days where, WE WERE ONE.

I miss you papa. I really do. & that night has just go to show that.. i am STILL.. NOT OVER YOU. =_(

Remember this song? It brings me back to the time where you were looking for it so badly, & when you found it.. i kept asking you to sing it over & over again for me. And now, this song has gotten me all teary-eyed again. Cause i'm missing you like fuck. =_(

How do i start? Where do i even begin? How do i even start to say how much i'm still missing you? How much i still wish i was in your arms? Yet somehow, something inside me is telling me to stop. Stop before i hurt myself.. because somewhere inside it's telling me that you don't need me anymore.

Hadidi Fadzly, I've never love anyone as how i loved you. And i've never been broken by anyone as how i've been broken by you too. And when you call me, saying those words, making me smile, i knew i shouldn't get my hopes up. Because, somehow a part of me is telling me that something is not right. So tell me now, what should i do? What do i have to do? Cause i swear to god, that there is nothing in this world that i want more, other than having the old us again.
But then again, things will never be the same again, won't it? We will never be the couple whose kisses always made us smile. Whose hugs always made us safe. Whose touch always sends a tingle up our spines.

Meet me. Meet me & tell it to my face that we'll be the same again. Meet me & tell it to my face that you'll never leave me again. Better yet, meet me this 31st December. at the same spot where we start our journey. Meet me there and tell me that WE ARE FOREVER. Cause right now, it's not you alone who is feeling the fear.. truth be told, my fear is bigger than yours.
I'll be waiting........

Surprisingly, i find myself doing quite well without you.
Surprisingly, i find myself doing good, trying not to think of you that much.

But there will still be days, when i'll sit and just let the tears fall. Where i'll sit & let my mind wonder.. Wonder how it would be now if we were still together. Somehow, i'm thankful for the people around me. The new found friends, even the old ones too. Cause truth be told, i wouldn't know what i'll be doing right now without them around.

How long will it take till i can finally take your necklace off? Till i can delete your pictures from my hp? I will never know. Cause this heart is still too broken to accept the reality that you don't love me no more. Sometimes i wonder, if you ever think of me. Or if you miss me. Cause somewhere in here, there is still that small little hope of wanting you back. But each & everytime i lay out the choices, it'll only get me sad.. cause i know it will never be the same again.

And it's getting nearer & nearer. To the day when we became one. To the day, that i still hold so dearly in my heart. & this year, i'll be spending it alone.. At the very same spot.. Where you & i made our first step, to the journey we thought would last. And somehow, i'm wishing i could see you there. =(

And this is one of the reasons why i've been trying to run away from my blog. Because last night, i couldn't get any sleep. And i returned to the old self of crying & looking at our pictures. Reading all the old post, all those memories... just got me breaking down again.

But somehow, inside of me.. something is telling me that he has moved on. He has erased me from his memories. And again, it's killing me softly. =_(

I am so very sorry for the long lonnnggg MIA. It's just that i don't seem to want to come by my blog anymore.. Because of all its contents. It's filled with all the memories i had with him & it hurts each and every time i come by my blog. I've been busy with work, going out every night with all my old mates. I try to squeeze out every possibility of having alone time, cause that will only make me think of him, think of all the times again.

Truth be told, i'm still hurting as badly as the very first day all of this happened. I am still in shock as to how all this happened. I know it's of no use more for me to go pondering over that matter over & over again. But what happened between us is such a shocking thing. And i still can't get it out of my head. It's well over a month now, since he left.. and yet, each and every single day is still a torture to me. Wondering how he is, wondering if he still loves me. And as the clock ticks closer to the end of the year, i'm quite surprised at how it's hurting more.. Because it would have been our 1 year together this 1st January. Haizz..

Don't worry bout me. I'm doing well.. I'm smiling, laughing and having fun. But one thing that will never change.. Is this hurt...
Is this love that i still feel deeply for him. =_(