Maybe, just maybe. I've been holding on too tight, till you lost sight of the love i feel for you.
Maybe, just maybe. I've been trying to hard to make things work, till you no longer feel the need to love me the way i love you.
Maybe, just maybe. I've got to let it go bit by bit.
Maybe, just maybe. You'll finally open up your heart & see. That our love will triumph it all.

You have a way with words. You know how to break me down with your words. & you know i'll come saying sorry & beggin you to stop, trying to make things better.
Maybe that is what is pushing you away from me.
Maybe that is what is making you get tired of me.

Don't worry. i won't stop fighting. I won't stop trying to make things better. Because i know we are forever.
I won't stop loving you. I won't stop hoping. I won't stop believing in you.
I'll still be here, taking it all in. Loving you more as each day passes by. Loving only you. No one else.
I'll still be here, true to you. Only seeing you as the only guy in the world for me.

Because right now, i don't care about all 'em other guys. I don't even wish to know them at all.
Because i've got you. & that is enough to last me my entire lifetime.

Right now, i'm gonna let you have your time. Just please baby, know your limits. Know where to draw the line. Because somehow i know, you're doing this just to spite me. Just to test me.

I love you Mohamed Haffiz. & i forever will.

It's funny how you're trying to act so cool & mighty, trying to hold your lies. When you already know , i know the whole truth.

Lets see how long you'll keep this charade up. How much longer can you hold the guilt in. Lets see baby.
Lets see.

I've played this game before & i ain't afraid to play it again. You obviously have not seen me at my very worst. Have fun.
=)



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Mohamed Haffiz bin Mohamed Hashim.
You mean the world to me. You mean everything to me than all those other guys compared.
We had dreams. We were going to make it come through. & now you're throwing it away just like that.
I'm not going to point fingers anymore, because i know i made my own mistake. But why is it so hard for you to understand why i did all that? Why is it so hard for you to see that i'm scared of losing you? Maybe i've been trying to hard, holding on too tight. But what else am i supposed to do? You meant the world to me.

& now, here you are, hurting me with your words, telling me you're having a date & that you've fucked another girl. Why Haffiz? Why? You stood me up & now you letting me fall.
Don't anything we went through meant anything to you? Is it that simple for you to let go just like that?

Mohamed Haffiz, open up your heart. See that we're meant to be forever. We belong to each other baby. No one else. We made a life together, we wanted that dream. That dream of having our junior running around the house, filling our hearts with happiness.

Please Mohamed Haffiz. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to us. You know we're stronger than that.
You know we'll make it through. Just open up your heart and see. Please.

You never was there when i needed you.
You never was there when i was breaking down.
NEVER.

I'm not disappointed because of you contacting other girls. I'm disappointed because you chose to meet them when i was there sick & needing you. YOU CHOSE HER OVER ME. & that's what hurts the most.

If it happened to you, tell me how you would feel. Tell me how you'll react. Then maybe, you'll understand what i'm feeling right now.

This is not the 1st time this happened. It has been countless of times it has happened. I needed you, you weren't there.
The most heartbreaking moment was last year.
Few days after we lost our baby, you contacted another girl.
Did i mean nothing to you?
Did the baby mean nothing to you?

I just don't get it. You'll never change you ways. You'll never change for the better.


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& what i suspected came true. So tell me, where i should go from here. Remember when you said that you'll never go to the extend of meeting other girls? Well, i guess you lied.

& now, you're pissed cause you got caught. You're pissed cause you proved me right. You're pissed because you're not a good liar. & you're turning the tables on me now, trying to make me feel guilty. Trying to make me be the one to make things bttr, to beg you for forgiveness.

Get rid of that comfort you have. Where i'll be the one trying to make things bttr.
Don't worry, i won't do what you did to me, because i'm beyond that. I'll still love you as much, still wishes for 2012 to happen.
But you'll never find me trying to make things bttr again.
Because you reap your own mistakes. You make it bttr.

Let's hope someone or something knocks the senses in you, to make you see. Who has been there for you all this while.


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And at times like this, how i wished my heart abandons me.
The trauma, the paranoia all comes running back to me.

I'm trying to stay cool, stay calm as though it has no effect. But somehow, it's overpowering my senses, telling me to go find out more.

Oh yes, it still hurts to know that i still can't trust you fully. It hurts to know that you're capable of doing it over & over again.
Believe me, it fucking hurts alot.
But when the signs are showing itselves more & more, tell me, should i just ignore it or pursue it?

And yet again, all i can do is wait. Just wait till the truth shows itself.
So for now, let me be. Let me be, looking at you suspiciously, curiously, with no trust, no faith at anymore.
I'm sorry.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone