And it was only 10 days ago that we had an argument, & now we're at it again? In between all these fight's, i'm starting to realise.. that you are no longer the guy i fell in love with. As days goes by, you're changin even as i'm typing all these down.
Things that we know can be settled easily, we chose to make it big. And yet, look at where we are now. Fighting again like 2 complete idiots, without a care for one another's feelings.

And it's hurting too much. Hurting trying to figure out what is it that you really want from me. What is it that you're really thinking. What is it that can make us so much better & so much in love again. Haiz. =_(

I'm too much of a workaholic. I have always been one.And i realise, that because of this trait i posses, it somehow always manages to ruin my love life. What do i mean? Well lets get things straight.

I have this "pride" for working. Where i wanna show the people at work that i can do it. That i'm committed. But sometimes it just will do me no good. Because apparently, my other half will start complaining, saying i prioritise work more rather than him. Yes, i may be true in circumstances where i feel that it's appropriate because even if i end early, i would just be spending time alone waiting for him. So why not, spend it doing things i can get done right?
But i guess yesterday wasn't the case for it.

Yesterday, someone said that i abandoned him. I chose work over him, at a time when he needed me. But to me, that wasn't the case. He knew beforehand that i was going to stay a while longer at work to get some things done. And i told him that i had some serious issues with the place he was going to. And yet, he still said i abandoned him. I mean.. where in the world did he get that when in the first place i already said i was going to stay, & that he was ok if i didn't accompany him? And after all the things we've been through? It is just not fair. Yes, i make mistakes, but so do you. Yes, sometimes i go overboard, but i'm still human ain't i?

Yes, it was my fault for bursting out just like that. But something he did made me just burst. And i guess i got to carried away with my words. And yet now, it seems like everything between us is over, cause he is still holding on to it.
And now, i'm left with this feeling. Feeling of just wanting to sleep and never wake up. Feeling of just wanting it all to be ok..And all i keep doing is cry, waiting for him to come back to me.
But somehow, i know i've lost. & sadly, i have no one else to blame but me. Cause i know i had hurt him. And if i'm only gonna keep hurting him, then it's best i leave. And now, it's killing me. All over again.

To wish that i could turn back time & make things right again is something i know will not come true. So for now, i will just let it be. I will just let these tears flow. And let him be.. Even though deep inside, i know all i want is him. =_(

It's been a while since i've updated this blog. Because of the fact of how much memories it holds in store & the fear of tearing if i happen to glance upon it again. But now, i have this strong feeling that it's not gonna bother me anymore. Because for once, i really really feel that i've gotten past it. I mean, yes its true you can't get over something COMPLETELY. But if it doesn't enter your mind or heart over a period of time, you certainly know that it's gone.

Right now, my life is certainly evolving around work. I mean, hasn't it been obvious that, that is how i roll? Hahaha. Oh yes, not to forget about my daughter & this new found "love" too. Hahaha. Not that it's really new, only that it has come to a point in my life where i finally decide to open up to him. Him who, you people might ask. But nope, i ain't telling yet. Hah.

I'm just gonna let it go with the flow, letting the course of our hearts pull us to where it feels right. So as for right now, Yes, i am in love. But am i in a relationship? I think not. Cause that's what that idiot keeps saying. That we're just taking things as days goes by, with no string attached. (even though we're together ALMOST 24/7. -____-")