He's been on my mind ever since that day at DBL O. Why is it that everytime i drink or alcohol touches my lips, he comes back reappearing in my mind. Memories of us under my block, laughing our butts off over stupid matters. Remember the day when i had a terrible day at work & i met u after my work ended? We were so cold because of the rain yet we had a great time. I still remembered u falling down and i did nothing to help u, i only laughed at you. Dude, u may be young.. Much much younger than me but that didn't stop us from falling in love & u taking my mind off Zam. But now, ever since u went in, i haven't heard a single news about u. And it's really deminishing my hopes of ever seeing u again. I've tried asking ur friends, ur family. But all i've received is, "We have no news yet."
Do you know how much it hurts? How hard it is to try to forget u & pretend as though i have forgotten all about u?
How could i? Everytime i reach home, i go inside my room.. The 1st thing i see is ur stuffs there. Your shoes and that t-shirt u wore before u went in. I've even tried shoving those things of yours where i can't see them. But i'll wake up in the middle of the night searching for ur shirt. Cause it's the only thing that keeps me sound asleep.

I still remember that night. The night before u had to show up to court for your hearing. You told me not to wait for you but yet u passed me your stuffs. Why dude? Why? Cause the truth is u wanted me to wait for you but you were too proud to say it, weren't u? Haiz. But now.. It seems that i might have to make a decision fast.
Cause instead of 3 ppl getting hurt, it will only be better if only 1 was hurt.
But how could i?! Tell me. Everytime i see him, he will only remind me of you. He reminds me of how u always made me laugh when i was terribly down.

I guess i just need to be alone right now. Cause nothing is really helping much. Haiz.


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Bby, things btwn us have definitely changed since that day. It's not that i don't want to talk things out or make things right.. But i'm scared. I'm scared that this wonderful thing we have will come to an end. And the other thing is that i do not want to hurt u in the process too.
I know how jealous u can be.. thats why i think we should take thing slow. Cause u have yet to know me. And i sense that u're gonna geet jealous pretty often due to the number of guy friends i have. And i just don't want to put you through that. I really really do not want to hurt anyone right now.

Haiz. I am just out of words right now. I just don't know how to explain to you what i'm feeling right now. Urgh! I hate myself so much right now. I really do. & i don't think it's the time for me to be in a r'ship anytime soon.
Haizz.