How is it possible that i'm forever yawning at work but once i've reached home, i can't sleep?
It irritates me alot that i can't even force myself to sleep even though i'm very very tired. & if i dnt sleep soon, it's gonna be more than 24 hrs that these eyes have stayed open.


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You were THE ONLY ONE that knew if i was faking. And you would then start to find faults with me, pick a fight over nothing.. just to make me cry. Cause you know that i'll let everything out whenever i cry. And then you would sit and hug me & listen to my blabbering nonsence, talking while crying.. and u would understand every single word i said. And the best part was, you would never ever say a word until i'm all done. You would never argue back to whatever i said cause u knew i needed someone to just LISTEN. All u would ever do was listen and hug me and let me fall asleep on your shoulders.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I MISS YOU?!
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I YEARN FOR YOU?!
Why did u have to leave me dude?
Why?!

I've never had any regrets in life, but you made yourself my biggest regret of all.
You made me regret not accepting your love, not accepting you. You made me regret not giving you a chance.
=_(


I still remember that day. That unfateful day. It was just 1 day after my birthday & i was laughing at the chalet with others while waiting for u to come back with my birthday cake. My phone rang & it was ur face that appeared on the screen. I was overjoyed, already thinking that u have returned with the cake. But to hear Ibu's voice on the other line, it made my heart beat fast. And what Ibu told me next, sent my world crashing down. I collapsed to the ground,speechless.. till others had to help stand me up again. My legs couldn't move, i felt as if i was dreaming. I couldn't speak, i couldn't cry. All i did was gripped on to the phone and kept quiet. The next thing i knew, i threw my phone and ran as fast as i could. I ran to find a cab and i was hysterical when there was none to be seen. The others were right behind me, asking me what was happening, where i was going. I couldn't say anything, i just wanted to get to you as soon as possible.
And when i reached the hospital, there u were covered in blood and bandages and all sorts of tubes running through your body. At that moment, i cried. I cried and fell to the floor.. I hugged Ibu's leg and started wailing like a mad child. I couldn't breathe, i couldn't speak. All i could do was just cry.

Boy, it was supposed to be a happy occasion. We had planned it for months and there u were in the ICU bed lying helpless. I wanted to go in & see u, but i couldn't bring myself to do so. All i did was watched you from the glass window. You were so close yet so far..
I gathered all of my remaining strength and went in. And the moment i sat beside you and held your hands, your heart beat pumped faster. Doctors & nurses rushed in, shooing me out, asking me to wait outside. I thought i had killed you by just touching you. And it made me go crazy again.
Hours passed and u were still unconcious. I couldn't sleep & i didn't want to go home. Others persuaded me to go home & rest but i didn't want to. I didn't want to leave your side only to return with u gone. No. I stayed. I had to stay.

It was exactly at 6.43am when u opened your eyes. And i was elated. I was thanking GOD profiously for giving you another chance to live. Little did i know, you were only going to live for only 6 hrs more.

Remember when i went in & u scolded me? You asked me why my eyes was swollen? Why i wasn't cutting my birthday cake. I was in tears & u made me laugh. Even when u were in critical condition, all you ever cared for was to make me smile. You held my hand & said that you love me. And it made me cry harder. And you scolded me again for crying.. We talked and you said sorry for destroying my birthday cake.
Boy, u knew that was unimportant but u wanted to change the topic just to take my mind off you. That last 6 hrs were the most memorable time i had with you. And it shall be a part of my life forever.


It's almost 3 yrs since you've left me & the memories are still fresh. It was as though it just happened. I couldn't forget you. I don't want to forget you. Cause you were the only one that knew me for who i am. And loved me for all my flaws and imperfections. Sometimes when i miss you, i would go to sleep with you jersey. Remember out identical jersey? Yours was red and mine was yellow. Yes, that one. You wore that jersey on that day and it is still with me. I haven't washed it cause that is the only thing that can remind me of how smelly you are. =)
I miss you dude.
I seriously do. How i wish i could turn back time & make you mine.
I knew we would last till we grow old & grey. I knew we would love each other till the last breath.
If only..
If only u didn't go.