I am still hurt. Phsyically, not much. But emotionally, Yes. I am still traumatised over what happened the other day. Still can't believe that it happened to me. After all we've been through.. i really didn't expect that to happen.

Everyday i come home with fear at heart. Fear of being scolded,fear of him unhappy,fear of the incident happening again.. But what am i supposed to do? i chose this path to be with him,and i shall stick to my decision. Countless have told me to leave him.. but as you already know.. "It is easier said than done."


I do not want him to think of me as someone who gives up easily.. or someone who just can't hold a relationship strong. But at times he does makes me want to give up there and then. I mean.. after all that we've been through, do we still have to go through this again? I just don't know. At times i feel like leaving him.. but at times i feel like i can't live without him. I'm just too stressed out.. With work being stressful enough as it is,with pay getting hanged all the time, and yet i still have to come home to him scolding me. I know i did some mistakes. But is my mistake that big till all this have to happen? I have been by his side from day one. I have been by his side till it came to the extend that i was ostracised from my own family. What else is there needed to be done till he can be truly happy with me?

The nightmare i had the other day keeps coming back. It's like trying to tell me something. But everytime i wake up, i tell myself it's all bullshit. I just don't know what else to do to make him happy.





(I know you'll be reading this Gemok. But please, before you get angry over anything.. You should know that this is my Diary. A place where i let my emotions all out. I know you're bounf o get angry. But pls Darling.. Understand what i'm feeling before getting angry.)