Yester-night, i was lying on my bed ,like a fat pig, dazing at the dirty ceilings of mine.. out of nowhere,my mind was filled with thought of life after marriage. 1 part of me couldn't wait to get married but the other part of me didn't want to get married. and guess which part was stronger?? if u guessed the "couldn't wait to get married" part,you're wrong. i was feeling rather skeptical. suddenly i didn't want to get married, suddenly i didn't want to lose my mum and dad. Lose as in i wouldn't get to see them everyday. lose as in.. OH. never mind. you won't get it. but then i realised, what i feared the most was really btwn me and my dad.
Well, me and my dad used to be very close, like how he is to my daughter right now. But now, he and me can't even make a small conversation without it being very akward. For no reason, i started crying. Memories of how we used to be came back and i just couldn't bear it. I just couldn't bear to see how much we have drifted apart. Too much... Every single day, we would just walk past each other and not say a word. The only time we'll talk is only when we are shouting to each other. Sometimes i wish things didn't turn out the way they did.. But then again, if they hadn't... we wouldn't be where we are right now.

I miss my dad. i miss being called his little princess. i miss going up to him and talk about how my day went. i just miss him soo much.


Fuck all that has happened. I guess i am just a disappointment to everyone around me. :_ (