A life i never thought i would have to go through again. Having someone doubt my love brings back memories which has long been burried.
But now it's back. Haunting my mind & soul. Creating turmoil like never before.

It was just an honest mistake. One which could have been avoided, but yet forgotten due to events that occured.

I never meant to hurt anyone. Not him or him or her, or anyone. & yet now, everything is in a mess. In a situation which none of us wanted to be in, in the first place.
Everything is changing. Every move, every word spoken, every actions made. For how long, i don't know.
I just pray that his love for me still stands as strong as it has ever been. Never fading. Cause right now, he's all i want. No one else.

=_(

It's been almost a month since my last post. My last withdrawal of things i didn't want to accept.
I've been keeping myself busy every single day, working my ass off, trying to keep my mind of you.
But these days, everything seems to be coming back again. As 25th August gets nearer, thoughts & memories have been haunting my mind.

I've gone back to drinking. Being a much much worse alcoholic than my dad was. At time i would admit it, but at times, i would just flatly deny it.
Alcohol has been a friend to me these days. A very good friend. It has made me tired enough so i wouldn't think about anything & just sleep it off as soon as i reach home.

I can't help but to cry again. Thinking of how OUR baby should be here right now. How he should already be smiling to us with his little feet & hands. How he would have fit nicely in my arms. How we would have been a family, finally.
I'm missing you much too terribly these days. Much to my own amazement actually, when i already thought i had gotten over you.
But when it comes to a point that i'm still waiting for your msges each night, waiting for the day when you say you wanna meet me, i realised. That i was never over you in the first place.

I miss you Mohamed Haffiz. I miss you so much. Hug me 1 more time. Kiss me like you always did. I miss you.

I loved you. I missed you. I needed you.
Not that i don't feel all that now, but i guess it's not that strong anymore.

I still am very much deeply in love with you.
Still am very much missing you like hell.
& still am needing you too much.

or wait. Maybe it's the alcohol talking? Hahaha.

I don't know. I really don't. At times, you're the only thing in my mind. Making me wish you were there. But at times, i can go through the whole day without even having you in my mind at all. Don't even know if it's good or bad.

I am still too confused over the situation we are in. Still confused over the feelings i'm having for you.
Ah what the heck. As long as i've got Vodka Redbull, i'm a happy happy bitch. Cheers!!

Now a different picture is playing my mind.
You, standing across me, acting like you dunno me.
I couldn't care less seeing her, but that look you gave me, is still playin in my head.

U don't have any idea how much it tore my heart apart seeing that look on your face.
U have no freaking idea how much it tore me apart seeing you so close, wanting to hug you, but yet all i could do was see your face from afar.
U just have no fucking idea what you have done to me.

And yet, after all that, i still can't hate you.
I am still missing you & loving you like hell.
Wtf. Haiz.