I loved you. I missed you. I needed you.
Not that i don't feel all that now, but i guess it's not that strong anymore.

I still am very much deeply in love with you.
Still am very much missing you like hell.
& still am needing you too much.

or wait. Maybe it's the alcohol talking? Hahaha.

I don't know. I really don't. At times, you're the only thing in my mind. Making me wish you were there. But at times, i can go through the whole day without even having you in my mind at all. Don't even know if it's good or bad.

I am still too confused over the situation we are in. Still confused over the feelings i'm having for you.
Ah what the heck. As long as i've got Vodka Redbull, i'm a happy happy bitch. Cheers!!

Now a different picture is playing my mind.
You, standing across me, acting like you dunno me.
I couldn't care less seeing her, but that look you gave me, is still playin in my head.

U don't have any idea how much it tore my heart apart seeing that look on your face.
U have no freaking idea how much it tore me apart seeing you so close, wanting to hug you, but yet all i could do was see your face from afar.
U just have no fucking idea what you have done to me.

And yet, after all that, i still can't hate you.
I am still missing you & loving you like hell.
Wtf. Haiz.

Got no idea whether i'm doing better or worse.
Have been working myself to death, tiring myself out. Just so i could immediately zonked out the moment i reach home. N that will stop me from crying myself to sleep everynight.

But i'll still end up waking after an hour of sleeping, looking for you. Seeing if there's any msgs from you.

Boy, you still got me by the hook. I'm still devoted to you. Still in love with you.

Cause it's damn hard trying to forget you. Every single thing that is on me or around me has your touch, your presence. EVERY SINGLE THING.
And it's makin it harder & harder to let you go.

How i wished, that one day, i'll wake up to see a message from you telling me you want me back. Or better yet, you by my side.

I'm missing you much too terribly. So i guess, i'm doing worse ain't i? Sigh.

I've given up on trying to push him away. Because no matter what, he will always come back.
Yet another part is also wishing & praying that he really doesn't go away.
Contradicting, i know.

But i just can't help it. This heart still longs for him. This hand still longs for his touch. This lips still longs for his kisses. It ain't as easy as that trying to make myself believe that, the more i try pushing him away, the more he'll go.

Then again, i don't really want him to know how much i feel for him. How much i don't want him to go. Because then, till when is he gonna play this game. Because i will only let myself be the girl he'll fall back to whenever he needs me. I will only make myself be his "mistress", never his "baby".

Sigh. The complications of this love triangle is too complicated even for Romeo to understand. Lucky he killed himself. Or my best bet is, he'll go crazy if caught in this situation.