Butterfly, flying free.
Finding it's way home.
Lost in directions, flying with tears.

Too soon to tell. But signs are showing strong.
This & that, it makes two.
& with that, my butterfly will finally be free.
Just a few more days my pretty butterfly.
Just a few more days.

Till then, accompany me in my dreams.

It is with a heavy heart, having to keep this all to myself.
Everynight, going to bed, feeling it all makes me breakdown further.

Is this where i'm going?
Is this where i'll be?
I truly don't know.
& it's tearing me inside out.

Every morning i wake, i send a silent prayer to the one above.
A silent thank you, for still giving me a day to wake up n still feel his love.
His presence. His touch.
& every night, i send a prayer.
To keep him here with me.
To keep him still loving me.
To make it all better someday.


Right now, all i ask for is to take it day by day.
Tiny steps at a time.
Being careful not to push it farther, neither giving up just like that.
Right now, all i'm doing is wait. Wait for a day to come.
A day for me to let it all out.
To let the world know about my butterflies.

Baby butterfly, where are you? Show me signs that you're here & i'm gonna change everything for you. Just a small sign would suffice.& i wouldn't ask for anything more.

Now i know. & it's gone breaking it further.
Now i know. & it all don't seem to make sense.

Butterflies, we're left alone. To defend for ourselves. They've made it clear, we're not wanted.
They've made it clear, we will never be accepted.
Just me & you. We'll find a way through. =_(

But yet, that doesn't mean i've stopped loving you. This heart is still beating much too strongly for you.
Whatever your motive might be, be it good or bad, i'll still be here. Waiting till the end of times.
I'll still be here, loving you just the same.
I'll still be here, waiting for you.
Waiting for a miracle.
Waiting for the day, we become one again.
Mohammed Haffiz, never stop loving me. Never leave me again. Please.

Is this how you want it to be? Is this what you really want? Tell me you don't love me anymore. Tell me you don't see our future anymore. Then maybe, just maybe. I'll leave you alone.

Tell me what we went through didn't mean anything to you. Kill me now. Rather than later please.

I don't know what else to think. What else to do. You coming here tomorrow to take your things, is that really the end of us? Is that your way of telling me it really is over?

I don't believe its true. Because I know you love me still. I don't believe its true. Because I know you know that we're forever. Remember 110611?
Remember "amont", "makmok" & all?
Remember how we wanted so badly to have a baby?
Remember how crushed we were when Jr didn't make it?
Don't tell me they meant nothing to you. Don't. Because I know you're not that heartless. I know that inside there, there's still that sweet little boy. That little boy who likes to be pampered, who likes to tease me non stop, who likes to make me smile just by taking off his fake teeth. I know he is somewhere in there.
And I'm gonna wait for him till the end of times.
I'll show you how much I mean it all.
I'll show you how strong our love is.
I'll show it to you. Even if that is the last thing I do.

I can't deny the fact that it still hurts like fuck.
I can't deny the fact that i still think of him everytime.
I can't deny the fact that i'm jealous to see that he has moved on so easily.
I can't deny the fact that my heart is still beating strong for him.
& i still can't deny the fact that i'm still not willing to move on.

He overcame my biggest love. He overcame my biggest fears. He overcame my biggest happiness.
He is still the man i'm very much in love with. The one i still see living my life with. The one i see as the father of my kids.
I know i'm being too desperate, dwelling in overwhelming sadness every single day. I know i'm being too pathetic, showing him signs of weakness. But i can't help it. He means much much more than he knows. I may have never showed it, & it may be a little too late, but yes he means much much more. Only God knows how much he means to me. Only God know how much this heart is yearning for him to come back.

But for now, i've got to be strong. For my 2 little butterflies. For my sweet, innocent butterflies. It is all i've got, that is still a lil piece of him. That is still keeping me alive. If he choose never to come back, then at the very least i still have my butterfly. That will always remind me of him, of the great times we've had, of the happiest moment of my life.

It's something i know i gotta do. I gotta try. Try my very best, to stay strong for 'em.
Cause my little butterflies, mean everything to me. They're the last of my breath. The last of my life.
For my 2 little butterflies, i'll do anything. Even if that means suffering in silence, waiting for him to come back & love me again.

Butterflies, give mummy strength to go through this.
I'll make you proud.

It is wrong to be thinking this way. I know it is. But it's the only way i'll ever have a part of him with me forever.
I'll be strong for it. I'll change my ways for it. I'll give it all the love in the world for it. I'll give it everything.

Dear God,
Make this happen for me. One last time. He won't know. She won't know. They won't know.
I'll keep it all to myself. Only me & my 2 butterflies.