It's his birthday today. A day i've been looking forward to, wanting to make him happy. Wanting to be with him throughout it all.

But where are we now? Apart & fighting. Sms-ing one another like complete strangers. & how it's killing me so much. I've been trying to fight back these tears badly. But every time i glance at my phone & see nothing, i can't stop but think that he doesn't care anymore. & at times like this, i wish that someone was still alive. At least he'll still be here, holding me in his arms, telling me to be strong. Telling me that if this is what i wanted, then i should be strong.
But here i am, all alone. With no one at home. With no one to let this sadness out.

"Why did you have to go?? Why did you have to leave me here all alone, fending for myself? Didn't you promise that you would be here for me every single minute, every single time i needed you? What happen? Why did you have to leave me here alone, crying, wishing you were still alive.. "

How many times do we have to go through this? Over & over again, it's all about the same thing. & it just seems that you still don't understand why i feel this way. So tell me again, where are going? Why are we still trying?? I thought this would all be over, but since to you it's nothing wrong, you keep doing it over & over again. I really don't know what to say to you anymore. Or what to do to make this relationship work.

I just wished you were still here Afiq. =_(