I do not know what the hell is happening around me right now. But it seems to have come to a point, that a fucking person is yakking his mouth away without caring about the damage he's doing. And he sure is doing a fine job at it too. Oh, it's not Didy i'm talking about, but some overly insensitive jerk who has no care of any one's feeling. Sometimes i wonder, if he was the cause of this all. To think back, he once almost made me & Didy fight.

Somehow or someway, i know senses have been knocked back into me, making me realise it's all over. That it is never gonna get better, but why is there still, this small little hope in me that still ,wants to believe he's gonna come back to me? And i swear to god, i really really hate this feeling.
I've been getting signs from everywhere telling me that it's time to let go,telling me that it's not worth it.. but whenever he calls me.. whenever he opens that doorway of hope slightly, it'll just make me forget about all the signs i've received. And once again, i'll be the one hurting when in the end i realise that it was all too good to be true.
But right now, things have gotten themselves too messed up beyond recognition. Things have gone way past that line of no return. And i have to take it in my stride, take it in me, to realise that it was all a thing of the past. BUT WHY CAN'T THIS FUCKING HEART LET GO?! Why am i still having this hope that he'll come back?

I am in no position to think about all this anymore. My mind is too messed up. My feelings downright crushed. & to have this thing happening & adding up to my stress.. i'm really not sure how long i can keep this facade up. It's starting to be a drag, trying to make myself look happy when all i fucking want to do is cry & never wake up.

I'll just give it a little more time. And hope that maybe one day, lightning will strike me hard.. so that i'll finally realise what a fool i've been. or better yet, take my life away.