If there was 1 word to describe what i'm feeling now, it would have to be DEAD. My heart felt like it was being ripped apart viciously & at the same time, my heart suddenly decided to quit on me too. I couldn't breathe, i couldn't stop the tears from flowing and i couldn't stop my mind from thinking that it's over.
I never said YOU changed... i said WE changed. we were no longer like before.. no longer laughing, no longer cracking jokes. and it left me broken. Yes, i was disappointed when you uttered the words, "I malas". But there was nothing i could do but just cry in silence. I know you heard me cry, & you knew i was disappointed. But the harder you try to get me to say it, the more it fell back inside my heart. And all i could do was kept quiet..
You hate me for keeping quiet, but that's the only thing i can do before i hurt US more. I wasn't keeping quiet because i just want to leave it at that. No. I just don't to do any more damage to what we've already done. We're both trying so hard to make things work, but the harder we try.. the distant we get. We try to give comforting words but all we do is hurt each other with our words & actions, unintentionally. And that makes things much harder. One thing about you that i salute, is the fact that you voice out whatever you're feeling.. whether it be hatred or love or anything. But to find me the exact opposite of that, is just truly amazing on how we came together in the first place. And i hate myself for that. For not being strong enough. I really do.. Forgive me if i hurt you by saying that i hate myself, but this feeling is too strong to be ignored. Baby, i want so much to make things better, to make things work. But the more we try, the more we're getting apart. And i'm scared. I'm scared i'll lose you. I'm scared i'll lose the love we've built. I'm scared to even think that you'll no longer be mine. I'm sorry.