I feel lost. I feel outcasted. & i'm hating it. And with this current thing not going in place. I'm seriously wishing i cud curl up into a ball and just lay dead. URGH! And with CERTAIN people not being of help either, i can't help but impose all the duties to my P G Babies. Something which i wud never ever wanna do. And now, it's causing problems. Problems which i can't do anything about. I wanna die can? Geez..

Have been feeling very very nauseated since yest night & it's still continuing.. I've vomited like 4 times so far & i'm hating it.. & NO! I AM NOT PREGNANT for goodness sakes. I guess i'm just getting sick due to the long working hours.. I'm missing Bby Love right now & shall be calling him soon. He sounded so dreary on the phone just now & it's making me worried. so yeah, dats about it.. i guess. =D
Cheers!

*10 days till Bby Love's Birthday.*

I've been told to update. I wanna update. But i feel like what i'm going to update is really of nothing important.. so here goes..

Oh yeah.. my menses have arrived and it's irritating the hell out of me.. I get very very terrible mood swings every now & then, & i'm seriously hating it.. 1 moment i can be very very hyper & the next i can get very very pissed. irritating nk mampos uhh..

I'll be working straight from Mon till NEXT thurs.. which will make it a whole of 11 days working non-stop!! and with this terrible mood swings, i pretty much wondering if i will be able to take it, working non-stop. tsk..

Bby Love's birthday is coming up in 11 days time! and i haven't got a clue as to what to do.. i've taken the wkends off but Bby love is thinking on whether to work on the 1st,all because of double pay. Tsk. Fickle minded uhh dekni.. So yeah. Someone's turning legal soon && we can watch M18 movies soon! LOL.

I guess i'm done for today. cause my mind is completely blank. See you guys soon! i hope.


*11 days till Bby Love's birthday.*

Some long outdated photos which i've yet to upload anywhere. Oh yeah. I still havent receive pics from Daddy yet. sooo.. WAIT! =D

Finally. a proper post..
Well for one, i'm back from a short trip to Tioman.. stayed der for 3 days 2 nites. Baby Dee tagged along and was being the cuckoohead cause she has never went snorkling before. It was a blast, cause the last time i went on a family trip was 2 yrs back.. And this trip made me & my dad sort of connected again. =) i prefer to let the pictures do the talking but they are still with daddy so you guys just gotta wait.

I feel like i don't belong anymore. Maybe it was because of my long time away from them. But this feeling i'm having is just... too strong. I still feel like i'm being kept in the dark over some things & it's just hurting. I'll try to pretend that i don't sense anything but it's just too hard to control. Maybe it's time i went away for awhile. Maybe it's time i stay away from you guys for awhile. Maybe... you guys never needed me in the 1st place.

I'm BACKKK!! =D
& i'm tanned. lol. Trip to Tioman was a blast. We went snorkling, nite fishing & we had loads of fun..
I'll update the pictures as soon as i get them from my dad. For now, i tink i'm gonna rest for a while.. I'm still having waves in my head. =)

Ever been so so dead tired, and everything seems to be against you. The electrical gadgets, everything. And suddenly, you broke down to tears??Well, it happened to me yesterday.

My body was already aching badly, my mood was terrible, my mind was a mess & i was behaving like an idiot. The last straw came when my stupid MP3 couldn't be read and couldn't be charged. I whined & suddenly, bahhh. I was crying like a lost kid in the mall looking for her parents. It just seems dat suddenly, all the stress, all the hate & anger i've been keeping bottled up inside finally just BURST..! lol. Sorry for making you worried for a minute back there Bby Love, i guessed i just had to cry all the stress away. I'm really really sorry if i sounded so whiny to you. =D

Emotions are getting to overwhelming. And whatsmore, i'm off to TIOMAN soon. and this mind is seriously not at ease, leaving Bby Love behind.

"Tgk uh! Semua u nye psl. Kan aku da sangkot kan.. Skg how? You
masok dlm bag i ikot uh..Plss.."

My words would only fall onto your deaf ears. But that doesn't mean i'll stop being there for you.. I will forever be here for you, whenever you need me. But it just fucking crushes me that you would think that i want to break you & him apart? When the heck did i ever said that i wanted the both of you apart? When baby? When?
I have never even uttered those words to you, so how could you go around saying i wanted you to leave him? When i tagged you at your blog about how you were a big girl now, it wasn't any hints for you to leave him. It was words of comfort for you when you called me crying because he hurt you. I was worried about you. DEAD WORRIED. You even knew i went down to City Hall to look for you. Did you know i cried when i couldn't find you?
I'm not saying all this just so you'll feel grateful.No, i don't want you to be grateful or EVEN think that you're messing up my life. Cause you're not. I only want to see you happy. That's all baby. That's all.
If it makes you happy being with him, den go ahead. I'll be smiling behind you, sharing the happiness with you. I will DEFINITELY NOT try to break you 2 apart. But what use is it for me to help you when you don't want to help yourself? You come to us, crying, needing words of comfort.. And we welcome you with open arms. But to think you would think something so despicable about us, is an emotion beyond words to describe. I believe you know who you are.
And pls! I do not want you to respond saying that you'll fuck away from our lives cause you're troubling us. That is the LAST thing on my mind that i want to happen.

I hope one day you'll see, that i only want to see you HAPPY. that's all.

Remember those words? Remember those days?

I don't wanna run away,
Baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight,
I just wanna die in your
arms.

This morning on your bed, when we were talking.. Talking about how we're gonna live our future. Talking about how i'll forever be with you, about how i want you to be happy.. It brings tears to my eyes.. Boy, you mean the whole world to me. You mean EVERYTHING to me. Fuck what others say, fuck what others think about us.. Cause you're all that i need tonight, till forever. The laughter we shared, the tears, the quarrels.. is forever etched in my memories. You've replaced all doubts, all hurt, all hate towards LOVE. These tears i'm crying for you means so much.. It's worth everything we've been through. It is not a waste to be crying for someone like you..

• Thank you for coming into my life.
• Thank you for accepting me for who i am.
• Thank you for being so patient with me.
• Thank you for taking the risk.
• Thank you for missing me.
• Thank you for holding me tight.
• Thank you for being there for me.
• Thank you for listening to all my craps.
• Thank you for being yourself.
• THANK YOU... for LOVING ME..

A soft whisper ,"HAPPY 3 MONTHS Bby." A kiss on the cheek & that made our whole day. =)
We didn't went out, we didn't fuss. All we did was spent time together and that was enough to last a lifetime. We talked, we hugged, we compromised. And now that we know what the other wants, i really really hope things will be better. I love you boy.. & HAPPY 3 MONTHS. =)


I have made my mark & have made my own name. I don't follow trends, i don't follow others. I do what i like, even when others see me as a nuisance. I admit, i am loud.. i am blunt, i am rude, i am BOSSY.. True enough, i say what i want & at times i don't give a damn about what people feel, but at least I'm telling the truth. Or would you prefer i lie to you and make u look like a fool? =)

I've made enough enemies to last a lifetime, some i know of, some i don't even know exist. I never wished to have enemies but i can't help it if people hate me just because I'm being true..
I am often misinterpreted & that always leads to misunderstanding. But i'm only looking out for the best. Friends & families have always found me to be someone who is straightforward & very very blunt. Sometimes my words do hurt them, but like i said.. it's all in their best interest. I only want the very best for my loved ones.
One thing is for sure, i may hurt you with my words & actions but deep down i still fucking love you guys alot. And for those who have known me long enough, you should know that i'm willing to do anything for you. Even die for you. Cause nothing makes me happier than seeing you guys happy. But if you still think i consider you guys shits or a nuisance, then so be it. Afterall, i can't control your mind.. And if u really really want to go MIA or wanna hate me, den go ahead. Only then will i noe, that i don't mean a thing to you. Cheers.