Funny how things are really.. Funny how you don't feel at home anymore in your OWN house. Partially my fault for not spending time at home, but if the environment at home just don't feel welcoming, would you think you would go back and face all those craps? Tsk. I'm landing myself in hot water as i type all these words, cause i know this post will surely end up to my mother's knowing, but hey..what the heck. One just can't keep things for far too long.
Everytime i reach home, an argument would for sure erupt, all because of "MONEY". And if that isn't enough, all craps about responsibilities & other stupid craps would suddenly emerge and be a part of the argument too. Even taking a bath would suddenly become a major issue. I really don't know when or how we suddenly drifted apart. It's like all of them are against me, with the exception of my daughter of course. I know i haven't done enough on my part of playing the role of a daughter & sister.. but sometimes it's just terribly hard to try that sometimes i give up without even trying. The daily struggles i go through can't even match half of what i'm going through at home.
Arrgh. Fuck it. Going on & on about this is surely gonna kill my mood for the next few days.

Oh yes. Love has started working a week ago & it has been a lil tough cause his schedule & mine always clash. But we'r still hanging on & getting it through a single day at a time. Sometimes i just wish that i could just lie in his arms and never be apart. But too bad, we don't usually get what we always want. Things btwn me & Love are ok, only for the occasional "u mrajok, i mrajok" thingy. Besides that, everything is going on well. =)
Ohhh. Just another thing, ever been in a situation where your friends are his friends & his friends are your friends too? Elaboration.. It's like, before you both get together, you're always communicating with other friends and hanging out alot.. But ever since you both got together, friends seem to just "disappear". Ain't their fault actually, cause obviously it's ours to start with. But sometimes i can't help but feel terribly guilty, guilty of hogging Love all to myself and giving non of his time to his friends. Even though Love has reassured me time & time again that i wasn't at fault, but i just can't help it.. Cause when i'm with him, friends or whoever that call to chill, he'll just say he's busy or lazy. I definitely do not want his friends to go around saying, that Love has changed or has forgotten bout em, behind his back. And same goes to my clique too. I've not been to most outings that they hold & sometimes i feel like i'm betraying them, especially Baby Dee. Cause no matter how, whenever i had a bf back then, i would always have time for my P G Babies, but now.. seems like everytime i ring em up, dey would already be outside hanging out. I'm at a lost.. Cause i don't wish for Love's name to be talked badly behind others.. And also to be ostracised by my P G Babies cause i'm spending way too much time with Love.