Alcohol does destroy ones life doesn't it? Or maybe just destroy the things you hold dearly.
Cause for one, things almost ended btwn me & Baby Love. Yes. we ALMOST ended it? Why? Cause i ended up drunk at his house when he clearly stated that he didn't like me drinking. And we got into a huge fight the next day.. Blablabla.. cut the story short.. we ended up ok.. I just couldn't bear to let him go. To let go of all, just like that.. i just couldn't.. Even though i was trying so so hard to be tough, to not cry but i just couldn't let him go. He means too much to me.


Oh fuck! I've gotta go.. i'll continue my updates soon aite. Cause now, i've gotta go Sentosa! Celebrating one of the PGs birthday!

Work.Work.Work. That is all i've been doing for the past two weeks. And that resulted in seeing the Love less. And we're both terribly missing each other. Too much i guess..
But i've gotta get some things back on track again.. And it seems that my goal is getting farther & farther for me to reach. Haiz..
Gotta strive harder. Gotta work my ass off for it.

Be patient Love. Just for a little while longer. I've gotta do this, and then we'll be like before.

I love you.

I am so fucking pissed right now. My laptop has decided to suddenly crash on me.. and this fucking desktop is of no help either. On top of that, it's my 1st day of menses and this damn cramps is bloody making me have no mood at all.
And i can't believe that i'm throwing all my angst at Bby. I'm sorry Bby Love.. I really am.. Fuck sia.
Today is possibly one of my worst day ever, when in the first place.. i wanted to post about beautiful things. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

Blogger is being an ass, cause i can't freaking post any pictures!


Boy, you have got no freaking idea how deep my love for you is. I might not say it all the time or even reassure you bout it, but that doesn't make my love for you any less. Hell no. In fact, it's growing more & more as each day goes by. My day won't be complete without flaunting you to frens & colleagues, without uttering your name or even say about how much i love u. Can't you see that i'm obssessed with you? And if after all that, all you have to say is you still doubt me.. then guess what boy.. You fucking hurt me. Yes. I ain't gonna deny the fact that it hurt or that it even broke my heart.. cause what's the point? What's the point of keeping it all in? I'm sick & tired of keeping things all shut, all sealed in my own vault inside my heart. I'm just plain sick & tired.
Help me help US. Help me make this relationship work. Cause by all means, even if kills every part of my emotions, of my heart.. i'll still do whatever i can to make this relationship work.

Yes. Trust is not easy to come by. But won't you do whatever it takes to make your partner happy? Even if it kills you? I knew i would.. In fact, i already did. No need to ask what, cause i'm sure it'll only make you think i'm just being pathetic. But if i can put it all aside, why can't you?
I'm here, trying my very best to gain every single bit of your trust, but just because of a single msg that doesn't tally.. you have doubts in me. And yet, even after my explanation, you still choos to stick to your doubts. Tsk.Tsk.
Don't blame your childhood for it. Cause you're big enough now to know what's right or wrong. And you're big enough to handle the toughest pain. Sometimes i think you're not ready for me, because you always said that i'm the first girl you've ever cried for,you really love badly. By saying all that, it makes me think that maybe you've never been in love before. Maybe all those times, it was just a crush.. or what the old generation call "Monkey Love". Haizz.

Tell me what i should do now. Tell me how to make things better. I'm still a girl afterall. No matter how tough i act if front of you, i still bleed.. i still hurt. I'm still a GIRL. And it's not fair for a girl to be the tough one in the relationship. It's not fair, when she has gone through more than enough boy.

And don't worry..not for even a split second.. Cause i still love you. As much as i did, as much as how i've loved you silently all these while.

I LOVE YOU HADIDI FADZLY. And nothing is gonna
change that.

I am currently at work right now, using the billing system to log in to the internet. How cool is that?!
Lol.
I am freaking bored. Baby Dee is snoring away at some corner. On top of that... I'm missing my Baby Love. Badly.
Life sucks when he's not around.

CAN WE GET MARRIED NOW? =D

I miss my Baby Love. So damn badly. I don't know why, but everytime we're apart..something seems to go missing.. Haiz. Sometimes i wish i was married to him right now just so, i won't be apart from him and won't wonder when i'll see him again..

Things btwn PG just seems to get more & more confusing. When all is well, then suddenly someone comes along and spoil it all again. Haiz.

Today seems the day that i kept saying sorry.. First, to the PGs. Next to Bby. And it really is leaving me broken. I've lost my trust towards someone close and i dnt know if i can ever regain it back. I'm just so broken right now.
=_(

I'm having this mixed feelings that Bby's frens & closed ones are kinda mad at me. Maybe it's just my feelings.. but i can't help it. Cause ever since our relationship, Bby has been spending lesser & lesser time with his clique. And i can't help feeling that i'm the cause of it. Even though Bby has reassured me time & time again that he has always been this way,always alone,but from other people point of view it just seems like a whole different story. It seems that he was always one of the major important role in his clique, but yet since he has been with me... he has gone.. MIA.
Dunno lahh. I don't want them to dislike me or whatsoever, but i kinda have a feeling that they do. Obsessive much? I guess so. Guess this is one of thoe things you've got to go through when you're in love. Haiz..

=(

Quiz time.



1. How old are you in 2009 ?
- twentytwo.

2. Would you rather love one person or have many relationship ?
- one person.

3. When was the last time you laughed ?
- When i was with Bby.

4.What were you doing at 4am this morning ?
- Talking & webcamming with Bby.

5. What's your relationship with the person you last texted ?
- Old colleague.

6. What did you plan to do today ?
- Meet Bby. But Baby Girl was sick.

7. Who do you really want to see now ?
- Hadidi Fadzly.

8. Will your next kiss be a mistake ?
-Nope.

9. Who's your last missed call ?
-Mama.

10. Whats something you really want now ?
- Money for school!

11. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning ?
- Check on Baby Girl.

12. Would you go back in time if you had the chance ?
- Nope.

13. Whats something you need to go shopping for ?
- Clothes. Lots of em. Lol.

14. Do you want kids ?
- More pls. =D

15. Are you in love with someone ?
-Yes. And his name is HADIDI FADZLY.

16. How's is your heart lately ?
- Jumpin around.

17. Is your phone close to you ?
- Right in front.

18. What does your last text received messages?
- "Bey!! guez wat.. I'm soo damn hapi 2 da max!!!" - Baby Dee.

19. Where are you right now ?
- My room.

20. Are you listening to music ?
- Nope.

21. Do you like country music ?
- Not all.

22. How is your hairstyle now ?
- Irritating.

23. Do you like your first name ?
- Yes.

24. The last thing you drank ?
- Coffee.

25. What did you do 15 min ago ?
- Talking to Bby.

26. Do you think you are a good person ?
- Nope.

27. The first contact name in your phone ?
- Abg Wan.

28. The sweetest person in your life ?
- Can i name 2? : Zaphia Arisha & Hadidi Fadzly.

29. The closest male to you now is ?
- Hadidi Fadzly.

30. The person you chatting with right now ?
- Hadidi Fadzly.

31. The languages that you are able to speak ?
- English, Malay, Chinese.

32. One word about your life now ?
- Blissful!

33. Where do you wish to work ?
- Some secondary school.

34. Would you date someone younger than you ?
- I am doing so right now, ain't i?

35. Do you forgive people easily ?
- Yeah.

36. Which women is precious to you ?
- Mama.

37. Your dressing style ?
- Anytin i'm comfy with.

38. How are you differentin other boys ?
- are they any different? lol.

39. The last contact in your phone ?
-Zouk Yap Heng.

40. Your Favourite local band ?
- Plain Sunset.

41. The two hated contact in your phone ?
- A few of the exes.

42. Who is your biggest enemy ?
-Err. Not aware of any.

43. What do you think about gangsters ?
- A thing of the past.

44. Proper age to join the gangster ?
- Isn't it best not to join?

45. Do you have a blogspot ?
- Yes.

46. Do you smoke or drink ?
- A heavy smoker. And a light drinker now.

47. What do you think about modelling ?
-Fake? lol.

48. Given a chance, wouldyou like to be a model ?
- Nope.

49. Whose approval do you seek first ?
- I don't really need any to do anything nowadays.

50. How much do you loved your boyfriend/girlfriend ?
- So so so so so muchhh. =)

51. What is the last thing you bought for your loved ones ?
- Nothing yet. Soon to come. Shhh! It's a surprise!!!



I
AM
SO
DAMN
BORED.
&
I
NEED
MY
BBY
LOVE.

Now i know why i always spend my days at Tampines.
1: I can wake up, sleep and do everything with Bby by my side.
2: It's so freaking boring at Jurong. It seems like there's nothing i can do except to log in to the internet the whole day.
Tsk.

Went out on Sunday afternoon to meet up with the PG babies for our dance session. Bby was a bit pissed cause i didn't meet him up for our 1 monthsary. Sorry bby..Not that i don't want to but i had to catch up with some of my Zouk colleagues for a birthday session.
Went off and met up with Lyn, Pin, Hairil, Giant, Serena and some others..Started out a great night but ended it such a horrible way. Even though i'm no longer working at Zouk, but i can sense that a great deal of things are gonna change btwn certain people.

"Stay strong Lyn. It's their loss for being that way. Not yours. And not forgetting. HAPPY BIRTHDAY darling. We'll meet up more aites? && thanks for biting me till it bled! And now there's a mark on both my arms! Grrr."

Had another dance session yesterday & managed to meet up with Bby. (YAY!) I was clinging on to him & didn't want to let him go. And i almost went back to Tampines with him. Haiz. I just love him so much lahh. Got back and hanged around at Pioneer Mall with Baby Dee. It has been a while since we did that. And the stories we shared, weren't even enough for the whole night. Got back, talked and webcammed with Bby till morning.. And now here i am wide awake, cause poor Baby Girl is down with fever. Andddddddd!! Bby is still not awake yet. Tsk.
Bored! Bored! Bored!
Maybe i should get somemore sleep before Baby Girl wakes up.




Tll then!

DAMN! I can't believe i slept from yest evening till today morning! Oh well, repayment for not sledeping for more than 24hrs i guess. Lol. I slept from 6pm yesterday and only woke up at 8am this morning. Tsk.Tsk. And guess what? No one is at home. Stupid. If only i knew, i should have gone back to Bby's house yesterday.. then i wouldn't be missing him so badly right now.

"I love my Bby & he loves me too. So what is it to you idiots huh?!"

People have been dissing & critisicing me for having relationships with guys younger than me. And now that i'm with Bby, more people are dissing me just because he's 4 years younger than me. Yes. "4" years.Shocker huh..? =)
People keep questioning me, asking me why the heck i go for younger guys when there's lots of older guys out there. I mean, why the fuck would i want an older guy who acts like a fuckin kid? Just because of their age, people always expect them to be mature, but hell no. I've had enough of older guys who think they've gone through everything and expect you to be stupid and to just listen to every single words they say. It's like as if they expect you to not even own a brain.

Yes, true enough, those younger kids may not have much experience or even some have never gone true hardships. But they certainly know how to appreciate you much much better than those older kids. Reason why? For instance, you know how some girls are nowadays.. Just upon seeing younger kids, they would go criticising and would never even glance upon them. So when you're with a younger kid, they feel as if they are important because an older girl took notice on them and would even give them the chance to love. And thus why, younger kids know how to appreciate us more. Unless of course they're a part of those young idiots who only go after older girls for their moolahs.
I'm not saying older guys don't know how to appreciate.. They do. Only that, they oversize EGO often stands in the way,till they don't know how to express it.

If you people were to ask me why i love Bby, i could write down a million reasons why. I could even probably write them all now. But why should i? Love shouldn't be only express through words & letters. But just for the good old times, let me just let you know abit.

My relationship with Bby wasn't the type that went through the dating & chasing ritual. We didn't even know that we had feelings for each other. What we felt was kept only for our individual selves. We were just friends who have never met, only talking in msn. We weren't even that close. But i guess the great one above decided that we were meant for each other, and that's why me & Bby ended up celebrating countdown together. And i guess, things just happened.. =)

Maybe one day i'll list down all those reasons why i love him. But for now, i'm happy with who i'm with. So if you people want to continue dissing me about it. Go ahead. So i even be affected by your words? Hell no! I do whatever i want, you do whatever you want. Only just don't keep going till i make you the most unimportant person in the universe.
Good day ahead everyone.
Till next time!!