Letting go sure isn't easy when u see him everyday. And also when u've given all ur heart to him. Every moment at work is spent wanting to see his face, feel his touch, hear his voice. But when u do see him, tears start flowing, cause den u realise that u and him are no longer together.

And dat is how i feel every day at work. Yes, i laugh and i joke ard. I try to act as if none of this is affecting me, but it is so damn hard when most ppl at work still thinks dat he & me are together and they keep asking about "US". Each and everytime someone asks,all i can do is smile & walk away in tears. I still don't know why i'm still holding on to him. To the option of us ever getting back together. I know it's just wishful thinking on my part, but sometimes i find the urge to just go up to him and ask him if we could get back together. But then again, i've already promised myself.. That i will never take him back till he changes.. and dat is one fact which i know will nvr happen.
These past few days, he has started talking to me.. And it makes things much harder. All i can do is just look at him and walk away. I want to stay and talk to him but i can't.. cause tears have start rolling down my cheeks. Cause it just hurts so much.. Hurts so much when reality sinks in.

For those who knows, sometimes they ask me.. How i can manage to still smile and laugh when it's hurting inside. All i can say is, "Why give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry? Why give him the satisfaction of knowing that i can't love another the way i love him?"

I guess this is ME. I am known for keeping my feelings bottled up and nvr showing it to anyone. Yes at times i can't hold back the tears, but most of the time, i try my very best.
As for him, he knows i'm hurting. He knows i'm yearning. But it is from him too that i learn to hide it all. Cause he was the one who showed to me that it didn't affect him. That he didn't care. He's the type that is good at hurting and lying to oneself.Cause i remember him telling me before, that he would be broken if i ever left him, but he won't show it. And i guess it's true. Cause yest, i talked to him. And surprisingly, he admitted. Admitted to the fact that he still loves me.. that he keeps looking at my pictures everyday.& that the's still wishing we could be one again.

A bit relieved when he said dat, but that still doesn't change the fact that he & me are no longer together. And it hurts. I don't know when i'll be better. When this hurt will end. I just wish things were different... then again.. NO USE REGRETTING OVER WAT HAS HAPPENED.


For now, i'll work my butt off. And act as if everything is ok. Laugh as if nothing is wrong. And smile as if my heart is not broken. Cause that is the only thing i can do to keep myself alive.

One thing i'm confused though... Why do i love him so much? Why do i love him much more than i love Rizal? And for those who knew how i loved Rizal and how painful it was when i broke it off with him... i guess u guys can try to imagine my pain right now. 100 times worse.. 100 times stronger. Cause he replaced Rizal. Cause he stole my heart and never gave it back. =_(