Sumbody tagged me saying this.


" hey there. Don't u think u are hurting urself and ur lovely daughter by doing all those nonsense? Tell me what do you get from being drunk and going to club every week? Do you feel the satisfaction in ur life? Is all up to you to decide ur life. Because everything h appens for a reason? Remember that life is a colourful one if you know how to look at the bright side. Think positive girl and remember ur path in ur life are like this.. how about the other ppl that gone through worst **** than u? tank god u still hav ur parents who are still ard to accept for who u re though u have made mistakes and love u. Treasure ur life coz we onlie have one lifetime."


First of all, let me say thank you for trying to care bout my life.
And 2ndly, since you said it's up to me, den y do u even bother in the 1st place?
Look, i know ppl have gone thru worse shits than me.. but do you noe the shits i'm going thru in the 1st place? And am i hurting myself? It's not as if i get drunk every single wk.. And its not nonsence my dear.. And if u think i'm hurting my daughter, den obviously u dnt noe how i take care of my daughter.. If i'm hurting her, i wouldn't even be taking care of her in the 1st place.. i wouldn't even bother bout her. Read thru my previous post dear, and den you'll know how much my daugter means to me. And yes, i do thank god for giving me great parents.. so wat makes u think i'm letting it all go to waste..


Don't try to advise me when you're too scared to reveal who u are. Don't try to tell me what to do with my life when u go ard being a nuisance in sumone's life.
Hate me for being blunt. I don't care. Cause this is who i am.
And dnt tink i dnt appreciate u trying to help. I really do.. It's only dat.. dnt say things like dat when u dnt know me in the 1st place.
Thanks for your precious time and words.

Wow..
Very good of u eh..
Hah..
Read only dat part..
How bout the part dat i miss you? Dat i still need you?
Huh?!!

Nice one Fad..
Nice one...
I don't get you at all.
What do u want from me?
You kept quiet.. you went missing..
Den out of a sudden when i post something new.. der u are commenting about things dat u know will hurt me..



What else do you want from me huh?
Aside from already gone missing..
Den now u're back commenting on what i just wrote.
Hah..
Pls think straight..
b4 u go ard commenting ppl's blogs.


You've just brought out the worse in me Fad.
And for dat, i like to say THANKS.

Life has pretty much offered me its very best and worst.
Only dat, it's just offering it's worst.. nt best yet..
Haiz..


Right now i'm at home, making lots of noise with frens and loved ones..
An ex, posibbly a new love(ehem2.. :p) and new frens stayed over last nite..
And now they're in the kitchen cooking..
For ONCE, i'm not cooking for ppl who came.. Instead, they are the one cooking!
Cool kannn!
lols.

Imagine this.
4 guys in the kitchen cooking.. 1 chopping up the onions.. 1 frying stuffs.. 1 making the drinks.. and the last one cleaning up the mess.. Hahahaha.. And of course, they wouldn't be guys if they nvr make any noise right? Hahahahahha..

So right now.. My house is basically a jungle.. A jungle full of wild, hungry boys.. singing stupid songs they make up spontaneously..


Oh no. no. no... I'm nt the only girl here of course.
I have my Baby Dee and Baby Dina here..
(Oh yeah.. FYI, Baby Dee is now a permanent resident in my house. lol.)



My mind is still on him.. wondering how he is.. wondering what he's doing now.. I don't know why but he left a really BIG impact on me, on my life..
Wondering who i'm talking about? It ain't Rizal,dats for sure..
It's him who i said was too good for me..
Who wasn't my match..

He has forgotten bout me, has pushed me away.. And it hurts.. Hurts so badly till i keep thinkin of him everyday.. Till i have to look at his pictures everyday.
He has said dat everyword i said is a lie.. when he doesn't noe wats happening in my life..
He doesn't know the tears.. the hurt. the sadness i'm going thru.. And yet he says all that comes out from my mouth is a lie..
I have nothing else to say.. Nor have i the strength to argue with him anymore..


I just wish i could have one day to sit him down and talk to him.
Face to Face..
With nothing interfering us.
But i guess it's too late.. for he has decided to erase me from his memories.. from his life..
And i guess, i dnt stand a chance anymore..
And it's breaking whats left of my heart..




WEDNESDAY NIGHTS at POWERHOUSE!
Every week.
Wanna see me, come to POWERHOUSE.
lol.





:p

Shamma..
Yup2! P G is pompan giler!
lol.

And Baby Iqah..
asl kau mrajok dgn akuuuuu??
Ape aku buattt??
Hehehe..




Haha..
Some ppl just dnt know when to quit huh? You say i'm hanyut? oh.. whatever.. Obviously u havent been reading my blog to know who i am huh? And if u tink i'll be bothered by what u comment here and der..
You gt it wrong..
Aku lagi sukeee.
so.. jgn malu2.. jgn segan2.. sila tag bnyk2.. Hahaha..





Wonder when my heart is gonna be pieced back into 1 again.. Cause it seems like everytime i feel dat i've found the one.. it will just turn ard leaving me all alone, broken and hurt.
Haiz.. Guess it'll be awhile till i find the nxt one..
Cause the last one really left me speechless.. left me lost.. cause he pushed me too far away these time..
Fadli, if u're reading this.. i hope u're happy.. Thanks.







POWERHOUSE 2nite?!
Anybody see me der, say hi!
lol.







:p

Yest was the nite when lots of ppl saw my weakness.
And also probably the 1st time ALOT of ppl saw me drunk.
lol.
Cause so far..
Only a handful has seen me drunk..
And dat handful has seen me at my very very worse state compared to yesternite.
I didn't expect to see that idiot there yesterday at POWERHOUSE.
cause as i was told..
His last day at werk was supposed to be last week.
But when i saw him yest, it felt like sumone just punched me in the stomach..
And for dat reason, i kept shouting to ppl.. "I WANT TO GET DRUNK TONIGHT!!"
and to my surprise, ppl granted me my wish.
lol.

I was running around the club.. Getting drinks from ppl i dnt know..
lol.
they see me,they offered me drinks..
And dat was wat made me drunk.
Running ard the club mcm org giler.. minom sampai tkleh minom.
Hahaha..

And i cried.
Yes..
To my utmost surprise, i BROKE DOWN!
in front of many ppl pulak tu..
Haiyooo..
Never (and i really meant NEVER) have i gotten drunk and cried in front of many ppl b4..
i mean, i have cried.. but only in front of closest frens and buddies..
but certainly nt in front of ppl i'm nt close to.
Lol.
Oh well.
"Liquor + stress + seeing the ex + arguing with the ex = crying my heart out."
Lol.


But lucky for me,Baby Dee was there for me..
While i was running ard the club,drunk, she was always behind me.
Taking care of me..
Looking after my back.
And for that i thank her.

Funny part was when sumone came up to me and said..
"Wahh.wahh.. Balas balik nmpk psl dat day kau tk dpt mabok.."
Lol. Hahahahaha..
And i replied back..
"Abeh! Dat day mabok aku ilang psl nk jage 3 kambing, so now it's their turn to take care of me!!"
lol.




I love my Baby girls.
And i hate my life.
Haiz.
I so wanna get drunk again.
Soon!
Sape2 nk join?!
lol.






:p

Looks like both of us are beyond reasoning now huh?
Why is it dat we can't talk without arguing..
Wihout fighting?
I miss you truly.. I miss you deeply.
I know by know u have given up on me..
Given up on wat we were supposed to have.
And i'm sorry.
Haiz..


You're hung up with believing wat u see.
while i'm hung up on trying to shut myself.

Can we be like b4?
Always smiling, always laughing..
Cause everday, looking at ur pic on my fone just bring tears to my eyes..
Yes, shockingly i still keep ur pic in my fone.
Cause dats the only thing dat can remind me of how great my love is for u..
Reminds me how much i miss you...



I just wish we can start all over again..
But i'm scared u'll reject me..
Cause of all the hurt i've imposed on u..


Haiz..
I guess wats done is done.
I leave it up to HIM.
If he wants us to be together, den we'll be..
If not, i'll accept whatever comes my way..


I miss you.
So damn much.
Haiz.






:_(

Had a huge blowout with my dad..
which resulted in me taking some sleeping pills.
Haiz..
Situation btwn me and my dad is not getting better.. only getting worse day by day..
We don't speak to each other anymore..
And will only argue at the slightest things..
And wat happened yest was really the last straw for both of us..
Vulgarities were said..
Hands almost flew..

I don't know wats going to happen next.
But one thing is for sure..
The anomosity btwn me and my dad is getting way ,way overboard..
And i'm not sure till when it'll be like this..

FCUK!.

Whoa...
My blog is sure collecting dusts.. lol.
not dat i dnt want to update.. but everytime i log in to blogger, my mind goes completely blank..
and i'll end up loggin out and not updating..
Goin through so much these days.. Always clubbing, always stressing..

Oh yah!
Tazzy has been a good girl sia.. Always staying at home these few days..
lol.
Lazy lah want to go anywhere..

Usually if i do go out, tu pun kene pakse dgn bestie aku..
Kanasai... Dpt bestie mcm kambing.. tk tau duduk diam..
lol.




It's not dat i'm avoiding u.. not dat i dnt want to let u know bout my prob.. but it's just so hard for me right now..
I dont like to burden ppl with my problems..
Yes. u dnt mind.. But it's just not me.. I have been this way since young.. And it's not easy to change just like dat.. Since young, i have been keeping my problems to myself.. not sharing my probs..
Haiz..
Give me time dear.. cause i'll let u in on my problems.. but not now. i hope you can wait..
but if u can't and want to move on, den i got no choice but to respect ur decision.. Haiz..

Dis is why in the beginning, i said i had to let u go..
Cause i dnt want to hurt u.. and now, i have done wat i've been trying not to..
Haiz..

I hope u understand what i'm trying to tell u here..
Haiz..




:_(