Overheard my parents conversation. Mummy was crying.
They're planning to either put me on my meds back or send me to my Aunt.
I overheard mummy saying.. "What's happening to our daughter? Suddenly she became so withdrawn.. Always in her room crying, never eating. Her drastic change worries me."
And that was when daddy suggested to bring me back to my doc.. or send me away.


I don't know what's happening to me.
This sudden depression attack is making me lifeless.
I don't know why i'm pushing away the person i love.
And this love is not the love i've been having.
All these while, the love i've been having are only considered as flings.
But this love that i'm feeling now, is true.
Last i felt this way was when i was with Rizal.
But i don't know why i'm pushing him away..
I don't want to hurt him.
Because of my current lifestyle..
I don't want him to know what i'm doing right now..
I don't want him to know how i'm cruising thru different guys every day.


I want to be in his arms so bad.. But i don't want to hurt him.



I'm sorry Love. But i'm doing this so you won't get hurt anymore..
SO I WON'T HURT YOU.

I'm sorry.
:_(

I can create lies.. I can cheat.. But there's one thing dat i can't lie.
I can't lie to myself.
I try and i try.. I keep telling myself. That i'm ok.. that i'm happy.. that i'm ME again.
But i just can't seem to believe myself. There's only 1 thing that i believe.
I HATE MYSELF.
All i do these days is cry.
I smile when surrounded by frens.. I laugh with them.. But when i'm all alone, tears flow without me summoning them.

Things have been getting worse and worse for me.
Stress mounting.. Pressure collecting.
At times, i feel like shutting my eyes and never ever opening them again..
For fear of being hurt.. For fear of all the troubles dat come.
I know running away from my prob doesn't solve anything.
But what can i do.. I'm too stressed out..
And those close to me knows what i'll do if i'm too stress out..
I just hope it doesn't happen again..
Cause going in and out of hosp is sure damn tiring..
Haiz..
Sumtimes i feel like giving up..
But sumtimes i feel like its worth living for..
Right now, i damn well feel like it's not worth living for..
Haizzzz..




Update again on my past wkend. Cause the stories to be told will make you say "YANA DAH GILA!!"
Lols.
Bye.

FADLIII!!!!!



for u!

lols!






CEKAP PINGGANG YE BANGGGG!! lols.







:p

YANA STAY HOME LAH SEY ON A SUNDAYYY!!
Lols!
tk pernah2 tau aku duduk umah on sunday..
Hahaha..
Wat to do..
Mama tk kasih klua.. psl takot nanti aku sakit lagi..
So no choice lor haf to stay at home.. MENDAK LAH SEY!!.
Bgn, tdo,bgn tdo.. tu je lah keje aku dari tadi..
Haiz..
so the boring lah seyyyyy..



I wanna go outt!! sumbody ajak me go out plss! Lol..
Haiya...
Seriously so mendak siow siow wei nye sey..

Lol..


Bye lah!


Aku tk tau ape nk update uh!







FADLI!! GILERRR!!

Lol..








:p

Yay-ness! Balik dari hosp mcm baru dpt releas dari prison sakkk...
Duduk kat hospital boleh jadi org giler sey..
Pusing kiri nmpk achi..Pusing kanan nmpk minah rep.. Boleh mati siol gituu!
Ahhh! FYI, aku baru kene release dari hosp lah seyy! Lols.
EH2!! LEK2!! Tkmo marah! lol.

I was rushed to NUH on Thurs morning due to my high fever and asthma attack. And i was only released on Fri at 9pm.. Cause i had to be put under observation cause they found something wrong with my kidneys or lungs or sumting lah..

Terror kan akuuu! Tu lahhh.. minom bnyk2 lagi.. Lols. No lah.. I did drink but not too much. Only dnt know wats the cause of the sudden asthma attack..
It has been almost 10 yrs since i had that kind of attack. Haiz.. Too much stress i tink..

Anyways, thanks FADLI for caring and for "teman-ing" me on the phone while i was in hosp.
Weeeeeee!
Syg u many2 lah!
Heeee.. =)




Wednesday night was one of the worse nights i had..Gt into a couple of fights which ended n me shouting obscenities at ppl i'm close too. Which almost ended in me slaaping their faces..
haiz... The night started out well with us dancing away, and yet it had to end with us having fights.
Tk mcm siak namenye..
Haiyo..
Well, wats past is past, it can't be undone.. So it's best to forget bout wat had happen and move on. WAKAKAKAKAKAK!! macam paham sak aku bebual..


Watever lah kan.. TIME FOR MY NIGHT TALKS WITH FADLI!!
BYE SEMUA!
Lols!





:p

I don't know why i'm crying at 2 in the morning when the day was fun, filled with laughter.. But here i am now crying, not knowing why.
I just got off the phone with Fadli, was laughing my butt off and now this.
I hate ths feeling. I hate these tears.
It dawn upon me dat i missed having sumone to talk to. I missed having nightly conversations with loved ones.

It suddenly hit me how i've changed. Drastic changes which couldn't be explained. In only a few mths, i have turned myself into sumone whom everyone hates,including myself..
Nights are spent outside, days are spent at work. I fill my time up only to avoid this feeling. And now it has come haunting.
I smile and i laugh. Only to be thrown off my tracks tonight. Why now?
I can't help but feel only pain in my heart. I try my best to love again, but love has only decided to hurt me.
I miss the touch,the voice,the talks.. I miss everything i went through as a couple. I don't miss him. I only miss the times. The things that we did.


I feel as though i'm screwing my own life. I'm making my life miserable.
Oh GOD, stop these tears flowing. Stop this heart from bleeding. For i can no longer take the pain.


FCUK this feeling. I hate it.

Haven't been updating much due to a very busy schedule.. Busy not due to work though..
Lols.. Let me elaborate..

Woke up on THURS, went to work..
The nite was spent away at DBL O.. and straight to work again the next morning.. FRI nite after work was spent with shopping at town.. and i slept only at 3am.. Which was followed by waking up at 11 to go to work.. Which was den followed by spending my SAT nite at MOS..
Tak kecoh pe hidop akuuu!

Lols..

And Sunday was spent with me sleepin from 10am to 9pm.. And it also ended up in me bubbling Fadli for our date, and frens.. HAIYOOO!!.

I woke up to find 87 missed calls and 54 msgs on my phone.. Hahax..

Since me and Haiqal broke off, things for me have become more... ermm.. "HAVOC".
Not to say dat it hasn't already been lah kannn.. But it's gotten more worse.. things btwn me and him have totally turned sour... Always fighting and cursing each other every chance we get to.. Whatever lah kan.. Kalau da kate budak2, will forever be budak2..


OK denn..
PARTY schedule for this week..
Wed: POWERHOUSE.
Thurs: DBL O
Fri: DXO ((2 be confirmed))
Sat:MOS((2 be confirmed))


NAK MATI CEPAT KAPE SIOLLL!!
Lols!


Oh yah... Not forgetting my "make-up" DATE with Fadli this wkend!
Fad, this time confirm k!
I PROMISEEEE!!



:p

OH NAAA!! Didn't i tell you dat the idiot staying near your place is driving a "YELLOW KARER SWIFT SPORT"!!!!!!

Pantat!



And pls ehk..
Like i said before.. GOOD RIDDANCE lah seyy!!
Aisey bedah..
Tk paham bahase english beh nk bahase ape pulak??
Haiyaaaaaa!!




FADLI!!!
SUN NAK GO WATCH WAT MOVIE SEYYYY!!!!!!!

Bullshit. Crap. All dat ever came up from his mouth was all bullshit. Let him thinks watever he wants to think. As far as i'm concern. IT'S OVER!! Yes everyone! IT'S OVER BETWEEN ME AND HAIQAL!!!
Watever lah kan.. I should have ended it a long time ago.. Only "pity" for him was stopping me. Now dat he's gone.. It's back to square one. Haizz..




FADLI!!!! We go watch movie kkkkk!! Weeeee! (kan i da ckp, next post, you'll be seeing ur name on it. Lol.)

I'm burning with this high fever and here u are finding fault with me.. Haiz.. Tk paham uh..
Whatever lah kann..


Haiyo..
Body burning,body aching, head throbbing,asthma attack..
All at once, it's hitting me..
And now u guys are making my life hellish..
And if dat ain't enough..
Torture at work just makes it worse..


STUPID!