I don't want to give in.. I don't want to be weak anymore.. I'm trying to be strong.. for myself.. and also him.. If this is the only way i can teach him a lesson.. so be it..
I don't care if you people want to say i'm cruel or whatever fuck.. I don't care.. All i need right now is some time alone.. To think.. to realise.. To get the truth.. Is this how i want it all to be in the future?? I don't think so.. Worse come to worse.. I'll go missing.. where no one can find...

It's stressful enough with him bugging me.. And then you have to come into the picture and add more stress into my life.. I SERIOUSLY HATE GUYS right now.

Sombody dedicated this song for me.. Haiz...

Darling,
Don't make me do things to the extend where you'll regret it..
Yes.. YOU.. not me.. Cause i never regret anything..
I never regret knowing you.. I never regret letting go of my ex for you... i never regret having a child.. I NEVER regret anything..
So pls.. don't make me do something to which you will be the one regretting it..

Did i hurt you just now when i said you never sacrificed anything for me? Sorry if i did, but i'm just stating the facts.. List down all the things that you've sacrificed for me, and i'll list down mine.. It will only get down to my list being longer than yours.. I'm not bragging or comparing.. But since you want the facts.. i'll start from here.. From the 1st i've known you, i was already sacrificing.. I sacrificed my love for the sake of having yours.. I sacrificed the hearts of my family, my baby for the sake of just being with you.. I sacrificed most of my jobs just to please you.. I've hurt many people just to make you happy.. That's not enough?? How about i sacrificed my pride just to back you up?

Darling, all my money was spent on you.. To the very last cent.. All the money i was saving for something else, goes to you whenever you want something.. And yet i don't complain.. It's not about the money darling.. But i'm working for you. To give you something to eat.. I can't bear to see my darling go hungry.. I'm not that cruel to let you go hungry for days.. i don't care if i go hungry as long as you don't.. Sometimes i give you all my money and say that i still have some, when the truth is i'm left with nothing.. I'm not counting, neither am i being calculative.. I'm just telling you what i have sacrificed for you.. So that you know..
I work from morning to night just to get some extra cash for the both of us.. so we can enjoy the little bits of life.. Even if it's not the very best.. At least we do get to enjoy life...

But all you do is accuse me of things i will never do.. And you hurt me... Real bad.. but all i do is just smile and put the hurt away.. But you.. whenever i try to say some small things.. you will say i hurt you.. when all the hurt you've imposed on me have stayed inside all along.. Whenever you lay your hands all me.. you hurt me.. But i still forgave you and took you back with arms wide open..
Remember the day when you hurt me till i thought i was going to die.? I had really made up my mind to leave you the following day.. But still.. I forgave you and took you back..

I forgave you for your infidelity, when you cheated on me.. Wasn't all that sacrifices?
Think hard darling.. Cause i can leave you in a matter of seconds and never come back...
Think hard darling.. Where else can you find someone who can stand all these shits from you?
All your previous loves left you cause they can't stand your behaviour.. Be thankful that i can still take it.. Don't always put yourself on the highest pedestal and leave me hanging on a thread.. Take a breather and you'll see.. All that i've done for you...


"Bukan niat ku untuk ungkit.. Tapi hanya untuk menyedarkan.."

I have been tagged by my darling Isha to do this.. So here goes..

A funny thing happened yesternight.. Gemok came over to sleepover my house yesterday.. Things were per normal.. Watched tv.. joked.. laughed.. and we ordered mac.It was about 1 am i think.. The delivery came.. then 5 mins later.. my hp rang... Unknown number.. unknown caller... It just rang for about 2 secs then it went off.. I called back the number wanting to know who it was.. And i even msged asking who was it.. The caller replied saying, "Ni yg antar order tadi ah.. Nak contact boleh? tk leh tkpe.." Hahaha.. Gemok saw the sms and totally blew up! He called the number back a few times.. but yet the Mac rider didn't pick up.. And when he still couldn't get through the call, he vented his anger towards me.. I was like, "HUH?! My fault ke if somebody wants to get to know me?? It wasn't as if i was flirting with the mac rider per?? I just took my order, paid him and shut the door! and now you're venting it out on me.."

He called the mac delivery service line.. Got through to Pioneer mall outlet's manager and lodged a complain. All he wanted to know was the mac rider's name.. Don't know what for.. Bt he finally got through and got to know the macrider's name.. The guys name was firdaus.. It was a shocking incident yet a funny one when i think back.. I was like, whoa.. masih ada org nk kenal2 dgn aku eh?? Woohooo!! Gemok had better treat me nicely now.. Hahahaha..

Strange things happen always when you need it. Because of this incident, i'm sure things will change. At least that's what i think..
Well.. Bye then..
I'm off to work!!!

As the date gets nearer, i feel the grip tightening. Is this normal?? Or am i the only one feeling it?? Haaaaa.. I feel like i'm going to lose everything when the day comes.. Obviously i'm exaggerating lahh. But it's ironic how i was the one pestering him to get married soon.. but when it's drawing near.. i feel the need to push him away.. I don't know whats wrong with me.. But these past few days i have been scolding him,getting angry at him.. for the slightest reasons. It hurts me to see him sad but i can't help myself.. Every single thing that he says is like a mistake to my ear.. And for that, i'll end up scolding him.. Hiazz.. Poor Gemok..


One thing leads to another.. and i find myself losing control.. When will it all end.. Knowing it will never be. God... give me the strength to push it all away.. To stay true to my heart.. To listen to what it says. Then again, how can i when it's giving me mixed signals.. I hate you heart. You're the cause of my destruction.. Haizz..


NANI, nak gambar eh?? Tunggu ah kau lame2 ehhhh!!!
and
AZ, suara ku mcm jantan psl sakit!! Tapi tetap sexy kannn?? lols!!

UPDATES! UPDATES! UPDATES!!!
Lolx.

All i ever do these days is view my blog for new comments,then.. Thats it.. No time lah baby.. Work,work and more work... Now i just got back from meeting Gemok at Tamp.. We watched ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKSS!!! weeeee!. lol.. I'm in love with Theodore.. Watching the movie bring back old memories of when i used to watch the show as a little kid..

15th was the awaited day.. And we finally met! Nani and Az were a blast.. Not forgetting baby and Fidah as well. Nani.. Kecoh ah kau! Ingat kn kat msn je.. Kat depan2 pun kau memekak sak! one thing that shocked me was that both Nani and Az had "Cartooney" voices!! Macam CHIPMUNKSS!! Hahahahahahahahahah!! As for the pictures.. i'll try to upload them when i have the free time cause i seriously do not have any free time at all these days.. So DILLIE, i'm waiting hor for our date horrrr!! LOL!


"Now what? "A" gone.. "B" gone.. Now "C"? Oh gosh.. When will it all end?"

Butterflies in my tummy.. Why now of all times? Leave me alone.. I'm about to settle down. Haiz..


Updates,

Monday;
The movie "Golden Compass" seriously sucked. Wasn't worth a single cent. At all. ((eh wait, Iqah.. aku lupa nk kasi kau duit ticket lahhh!! hee))..... End of the day sucked. Again.. it almost ended. No worries, i'll spare you from the same-old boring details k. But overall,the day was fun. It was well spent with loved ones. Thanks to you also Baby.. and Love too.. guess we should this more often huh?? lol.. Soo... where to next?? hahahaha.

TODAY;
Went wandering around at City Hall with Gemok.. A day well spent.. A love stronger. Bought some stuffs and headed home.. to which i am still not use too.. going home alone that is..





I do not wish to continue any further as i am now very sleepy.. and i am seriously very confused.
A new story has opened only to know what the ending is going to be. But whatever the story is, i can't help what i'm feeling... even though it should utmostly be avoided,due to the many reasons why.

Gonna watch the "GOLDEN COMPASS" 2morooooo!!! Weeeeee!
Sumpah aku nye post makin pendek, makin pendek sak... Hahahah. Lols.
Wat to do.. My mind is all out of ideas on what i shall update about.. And things are just not meant for blogging these few days. Things are certainly getting tougher and tougher. Home, Work.. Senang kate everything lah kan.. Things are certainly going zigged-zagged. Paham2 kan aje lah krg2 yg tk paham.. Aku sumpah aku da mls nk type lagi.. I'm just updating for the sake of it.. If i do have any big news, i'll update again..



* OI MONYETS!!! 15th confirm eh!! Korang satu2 tkmo buih eh! Korang buih, kasot aku mintak masok kat mulut korang satu2 ahhhhhh!!!!! Hee.


BYEEE!!!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Should i or should i not??
SHould i cut my hair or not eh??
Wah lao.. Nak gunting rambot nye psl pun boleh jadi stress seyyy!!

I am feeling so tired.. Body aching. Feet hurting. and a whole lot of other discomforts.

Gemok is mad at me for not meeting up with him today. But i can't. I have to work till to about 3 am in the morning for this stupid idiot who has an outside catering today. Grrr!
If only i had a choice.. i would just want to stay in bed all day with Gemok beside me. IF ONLY.
i miss Gemok so much..


I am at a total blank right now. I don't know what else i should update. Seems like my life is just going on like as if it was a schedule. Nothing interesting, nothing exciting. Oh yeah, except for the daily, "Mummy! Asal mummy dah FAT eh?" from my baby girl. Nothing much rather than that.
Gaaahhh!! I am so god damn tired! Somebody treat me to massage can?? I really need one badlyyy! Urgh!

Surprises are coming your way.. Lots and lots of surprise.. Won't say to who.. or when.. or wat.. Just the 1st surprise, NEW HAIRCUT COMIG YOUR WAYY!!! weeee....!!


Watched "Enchanted" with Gemok earlier today... He was forced into watching it as i was already complaining about we always watch "HIS TYPE" (eg; Gore, bloody,action-packed, blablabla..) of movies.. After ONLY 5 minutes of constant nagging,he gave up. (bear in mind that the keyword here is "ONLY") Lol. It was very funny lah.. Cause from what i heard from him and Iqah was that he was laughing his ass of the day before when Love told him that Love and Iqah watched Enchanted.. But irony always hits at the unexpected timing... Laughed at people, in the end he watched it himself.. Lols.. And quite surprisingly he liked it.. Saying it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. But my triumph was shortlived when he said, "Now i da tgk your kind of shows.. Your turn to accompany me when AVP2 (Alien Vs Predator 2) comes out.." Mak kau! Never expected this one..Hahahahaha.. I had no choice but to say yes.. Lol... My Gemok is sure full of surprises.. And i miss him..




Being away from him is a tough one. We've been so used to having each other close by, till it's hard to cope without the other half around. I go to bed with his shirt on and a smelly shirt of his in one hand. I just can't sleep without his smell around me.. "Ewww!", "Gross!, "Disgusting!"..
Watever okehh.. I don't care.. All i know is, i need it to make me go to sleep. Yes it's that bad.. The "Missing-of-each-part" is really the worst i've gone trough. We used to be away from each other.. But not this looooooonnnnggggg!! Oh gosh, i guess i just have to hold on for a little while longer. Love is what keeps us going. And i'm sure it'll get us through. I LOVE MY GEMOK!!


Well, i'm off now.. Early day tomorrow.. From 8am till 8pm.. Lucky for me it's not 8am till 11pm.. Phew.. Nites everyone. SWEET DREAMS.

(suddenly my english like beome so terok already.. Ape nak jadi ni?? Aiyoyo!)

I guess what they say about who being a "GEMINI" is true.. Cause every single thing they say is really true.. Especially the bold type..