Ok2..i know you guys are irritated by my poems and all. But i can't help it.I'm so in love right now.Wakakaka..So pardon the poems,.Cause thats what i always do when i'm feeling special.Ok.I've been tagged by iqah to do this survey or whatever la kan.so here goes..7 Random Facts About Me. 1.I'm Loud. 2.I'm Crazy. 3.I Have A Very Bad-Temper. 4.I'm Obsessed With Chocolates. Any Kind. 5.I Always Wake Up After 12 noon. Hehs. 6.I'm In Love. 7.I'm A Bitch. 7 Things I'm Afraid Of. 1.ALLAH S.W.T 2.Losing Gemok. 3.Death. 4.My Daughter Hates Me. 5.Ants. Yuck 6.Losing My Family. 7.Getting Fat. 7 Random Songs. 1.Warmness Of The Soul-A7x. 2.Lips Of An Angel-Hinder. 3.Aku Tak Biasa-Alda. 4.Birthday-Taproot. 5.Snow(Hey Oh)-Red Hot Chilli Peppers. 6.Under The Bridge-Red Hot Chilli Peppers. 7.Fortune Fade-Red Hot Chilli Peppers. 7 Things I Love. 1.Gemok. 2.Lil Gemok. 3.Parents. 4.Lil Brother. 5.Chocolates. 6.Sleeping. 7.CATSSSSSS!!! 7 Things I Say Most. 1. "Taik Ah!" 2."Wah Kaow!" 3."I Love You Gemok." 4."Diam Ah!" 5."Aaaarggghhh!" 6."Shuddup Ah You." 7."Eh, Wat You Ah?"
7 People To Do This. 1.Fadilah CBIG. 2.Suezila CBIG. 3.Nana(IJAL). 4.Nessa. 5.Yumi. 6.Rynn. 7.Linda CBIG.
Ok Done. Bye. Nak g Johor! WoooooooHooooooo! Cheers.
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I love to see you smile
And I love knowing that I caused that smile
I love to see you happy
And I love knowing that I caused that happiness
I love to look into your beautiful eyes
And I love the way I fall into them
I love it when you hold my hand
And I love having the courage to grab and hold yours
I love to tease and torment you
And I love it when you tease and torment me
I love it when you touch me
And I love to touch you
I love rediscovering how beautiful you are each time I see you
And I love realizing how attractive you make me feel
I love wanting so badly to kiss you
And I love the way you want to take things slow
I love the fact that you still want to be mine
And I love that I want to be yours
I love so many things about you
But the most important thing is:
I Love you!
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I could tell youthat I love you,because your all I think about,dream about, talk about.I could tell youthat I need you,becuase your all I needto be happy.I could tell youthat my life is completenow that I have found you.But what would this all mean?Would it help you comprehendthe magnitude of my love?Maybe, to an extent...I want to tell you,that I love youbecuase I know that Iwould never hurt you.I want you tell youthat I need you,because you make mea better person.I want to tell youthat my life is completebecause you provide me withso much hapiness.I love you.You will always bemy everlasting.
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Its Our Anniversary. And he's not here. but i don't mind. I understand. A bit sad.. But really really happy. I love him. NO MATTER WHAT. To You Mohd Rizal, 1 year may not be a long time compare to what others have. But this 1 year is a special year. The 1st year of a relationship is about testing our patience.. And our willingness to adapt to new surroundings and changes. And we made it through. I would never, in a million years,thought.. We, of all people, could make it through. Even though you're not here with me tonight. i know your heart is. And thats why i love you. Without you in my life, It would never be complete. Happy and Sad times are part of it. And i thank you for that.
If i could sing, i would sing for youa song so beautiful , it would bring tears to your eyes.If i could dance, i would dance for youin a way so moving, you'd want to dance with me too.If i could paint, i would paint for youa work of art so inspiring you'd want to share it with the world.And if i could, i'd want to live till eternityspending each day of my life just loving you..HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY AYAH.
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Ok..1st of all..Biar aku bilang korang2 eh..Si Gemok tu baru2 dpt tau yg aku rapat dgn krg2..dia abit skeptical.Cause he's scared all his "Dark" secrets will come out.And when i told him bout the outing, he didn't really approve of it at first..But then,scared of having a huge blowout with me..He relented..Mwahaha..What can i say..I'm gooooodddd...Wakakaka..No lah..Anyways..I feel for you iqah..i know what you feel..hey,if u think madi's bad..Take whatever madi is behaving and multiply it by 10.then u'll know how my Gemok is..I think kan..Dalam ramai2 boyfriends kan..Aku rasa aku punye la paling terok.Nasib korang baik la aku yg sangkot kat dia, bkn korang.Wakakakaka!Kla.Aku nak tdo.OMG.In 20 hours time...It will be the day where it marks our 1 Year journey.And i'm so excited.Wahhhh..Cannot wait la..Heeeee..See You Guys On Sat!
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Ape eh nak tulis?Ntah..Da jadi bangang jap.To Az..Eh..Nightmare pun ok wot..At least aku muncul!Wakakaka!To Fidah..Awak kalau brani kan,cuba ckp lagi skali yg awak tknk turun..Saya sepak2 awak sampai awak kene pakai 40 cermin mata baru tau..Wakakaka!To Iqah..Don't worry k babe..Just come down..Alaaa..Lain kali boleh lepak sampai pengsan pe..Wakakaka!Oi!Korang ni da tgk video anak aku belom?Buat penat je aku upload beh tkde comment..Taik ah korang.Gemok is in Johor again.Something terrible has happened to his family house in JB.They got burgled.Seriously.Aku nak tipu buat pe ngok..Kesian seh.Dia balik nak g carik pencuri tu.Macam paham je si Gemoktu.Biasa la..Sentiasa macam paham..Wakakaka!P.s: Korang-korang yang keje tu belanja la kita yg tk keje ni.. Since korang-korang nak sgt g sheesha kan. Wakakaka! Aku tau.. Aku tau.. Aku tak tau malu! Maceh! Maceh! WoooooooooHoooooooo! Cheers!
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TO THE MONYETS!CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS SAT!WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!Cheers.
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Sorry for not updating.Sunday afternoon, got a call from this number.. i was cooking. Picked it up and it was Gemok. He was under my block. Asked me to come down as he gt a surprise. I just told him to come up. He didn't want to. So i had to go down. And he gave me something. The surpirise was... A watch that i've wanted for so long.. Th one on the right is mine. The GOLDDDDD one. Haha.. On that day itself, ard 6+, We went to jurong point. Thought of just walking around, but in the end watched a movie. A movie that has been long awaited. 300!!! Yeah! the movie was awesome. But a bit gruesome too.. You see legs ,heads.. Alaa.. everything la.. Being chopped off.. Disgusting la oi! Gemok was happily enjoying people getting their heads chopped of.. Weird guy. Things are better but not completely.. remember the msg i told u bout that i sent him? Yeah.. Well.. He read it.. And asked me what i meant.. And as usual the way of him making me let it go was asking me out. To him i've let it go. But what he doesn't know is that there is more to it. Hahaha.. I'm a Bad, Bad Girlfriend. To end this post is a pic of him eating KUKUDOO! (Kukudoo= Another word for chicken. BUT ONLY USED BY ME AND HIM!) This pic was to get proof of him eating chicken. Never mind. you won't understand. Cheers.
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New Song.Listen Up.Pls..Let Me Go.It's The Only Way.Pls Dear,I Beg You.
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You treat me like dirt when we're together.Yet when i ask for some time apart,You start treating me nicely.What's the meaning of your actions dear?You know i've kept quiet for all your past actions.Yet when i bring the matter up, you tend to get angry.You say i'm being ridiculous,when you really know the truth bout what's going on with us.I don't understand you anymore.What is it that you want from me?I've given you what you asked.Understanding,patience.but for how long my dear?i am but, still a normal human being.Capable of emotions just like you.Why don't you want to let me go?When all we go through is repeating over and over again?When you know it's going to happen again sooner or later?Just let me go.Maybe not forever,But for a while..Lets clear things out.And really think whether this is the path we really want to take.Whether you really want to spend every waking mintue of your life with me.Forever.Just let me go.Pls.Even if its for a while.Pls.
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Everything seems to go wrong today..he told me he would be home in the morning..Don't know when he'll be home.Thanks babes for all the comments on my tag.Being strong is what i'm trying to do..But i don't know if i can hold on much longer.it's really getting too much.I know when he comes back..We'll be having a huge fight.Cause i wrote him a msg on frenster.The same msg in which i wrote on my blog here..A post where i told him to tell me the truth..yeah..that's the one..Well,just have to be prepared for a really really huge fight.Haiz.I'm so fucked up.Need to go out.But don't know where to.Anybody?Nak klua??Lain Kali Jangan Janji Kalau Tak Balik! Fuck You La!
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I know i've been a big disappointment to people time and time again.Especially to you girls.I'm even a disappointment to myself.I don't know why i can't bring myself to stand up to him.Why i can't fight him.I don't know why i'm not strong like i used to be,like when my baby girl's dad left me.I don't know what is the matter with me.Maybe this is what one means by "Testing Your Own Patience".If that's for sure, then i sure have a lot of patience.I don't remember having this kind of patience for a guy.Any guy for the matter.But when it comes to him.i'm as weak as a new born baby.A truth in me which i have hidden a long long time ago..I have never revealed my weak side to anyone.Never.But now, it has come forth.People i know,present and past..all knew me as the tough girl who doesn't give a shit when it comes to guys.Who would say "Bye-Bye",at the slightest mistake.Friends are shocked at what they see now.Hey,believe me..I'm as shocked as you guys are.Haiz..I don't know what to make out of myself right now.Whatever la.I'm so tired.Cheers.
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"Whenever life seems to drift you away from me, I can't help but cry. You've grown to be such a part of me that without you life is no more than a desperate sigh.They do say love comes and goes, and to that I disagree. So, here's my hand, take it and don't let go of me."
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I don't even know why i'm still holding on Az.I don't have the answer.As much as i want to let go and be done with it,i can't seem to leave just like that.Maybe i'm still holding on cause there are some unsettled things yet to be settled.I still want to know why he did all those things.Again,its not easy leaving just like that.We've already set a date for our marriage.And family members have been informed.So its not easy if i were to just tell my parents, "The marriage is off."And maybe there's a thing in me that still believes he will be the same old him again.The same him i knew exactly a year ago.Cause i know all my efforts won't go to waste.It only takes time to happen.But then again,with him being like this.I don't know when it'll happen.Or even if it will happen.All i can do now is just pray.Pray every single day that one fine day, he'll realise,all my sacrifices and love for him.Love Is All I Have Now.
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I've had enough.I knew you lied to me bout going to anep's late grandfathers funeral.I knew you were at the movies with anep.And missy kiddy was there too kan.?dont lie to me.I already know.Yg wak nye pit.You were already there the night before i came kan.Aniz semua ade kan?that ina girl..I know you fucked her no matter how you deny.come on la..a person with your sexual appetite.and lagi ina tu muke mcm cina.i know you can't resist temptation.stop denying.why do you still want to deny all of this..nak pertahankan kebenaran?The truth is you are a coward.Why is it so hard to admit your faults and be done with it?I bukannye nak marah.i cuma nk tau.mmg yg da lepas tu lepas.u pikir kalau u bilang i the truth i nak marah?I tkkn nk marah.I ONLY WANT TO KNOW!you better tell me the truth or its over.tell me the truth before i call the wedding off.I can't take it anymoreMake your choice.I've had enough just keeping quiet when i'm suffering inside.You want to be in charge?then take charge of this.
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I want to cry.Real bad.But something is stopping me.Something is telling me its not worth it anymore.Its not worth shedding ever single tear for you anymore.Maybe that something is right.Time and time again,You disappoint me,You hurt me,You broke my heart.But still..I took you back with open arms.I took you back not because i can't live without you.Ok..Ok..Partially false..But even if were to end,yes.. i would weep and maybe want to die.But i know i have to move on.I know no matter what, it's all in the past.The reason i took you back every single time is because i want you to know that i'm here for you.I want you to know,I'm a person who keeps my promise.I'm a person who gives it all even when i don't receive any.I'm a person who believes that one day,Things will be for the better.But since you still don't see it after so long.Maybe its not worth taking you back.Maybe you are the type of person that has to learn things the hard way.Make Your Choice.I Can't Wait No More.It's Too Much For Me To Bear.
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Weny JP just now.bought the carrier and stuffs for the new family member..My KITTEN!!WeeeeeeEEEEeeeeee!Can't wait till saturday when i finally get my kitten..Haiz..Happy but yet sad at the same time.Gemok is nowhere to be found.Again.He didn't even call me just now.Wonder where he is.At johor..Or...I don't want to think negatively..But hey,Look at how he's acting.It doesn't seem wrong if i were to think stupid things.Don't know whats the matter with him.Skejap ok..Skejap perangai.kalah kan anak aku..Well,just have to wait.He said he'll be coming back tomorrow after work.We'll see bout that.Kucing Aku Nama Nya "ZhoZhoOh". Wakakaka.
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Here's my actual update for the day.Early morning went to NUH for my appt.Had some bad new which i wish didnt exist.Have to go back to NUH this Monday for treatment.The doctor said that if i'm not careful enough.Operation is the answer.iisshhhh...*shudders*I don't tink soooooo..Told Gemok bout my visit when he called in the evening.But he seemed nonchalant bout it..As if it was something trivial..Didn't even ask what the doctor said.Really pissed me off.I mean..Don't you even care what's happening..?Or what will happen to me?Oh god..You're getting worse.So,he's off to johor and won't be back till Friday.Money issues he says..But i don't think so..Haiz.i'm in pain and he doesn't even care.Wathever la kan.Kau tak kisah..Aku lagi tak kisah..Pegi mampos sudah..Had a really huge blow out with my mum just now.Over what also i forgot.And it almost ended up brutal.Luckily it didn't.Haiz.I'm so hating Gemok right now.I think i know why.Its the time of the month again.And when it comes,I really hate Gemok.Stupid la.Bodoh.Stupid PMS.
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Ok.. I seriously am hating my blog right now.Babi tol..Always bila da lawa2,Alih jadi mcm siak.Babi ah..Aiyo..Now, its ok..Did it myself.I think it sucks seh..My post is on my pic.Tak bodoh namenye tu..Wahlaoooooo..Gemok is in johor.And guess what?I'm being stupid again.Maybe because the "BIG" day is coming.And yet he has gone M.I.A again.I have a serious case of "paranoia"I think i have to be in a rehab..A rehab for some stupid Paranoid disease.Bodoh.Somebody tolong ajar aku macam mane nak g letak gmbr aku btol2. Mcm babi la.
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Wah siow weh..Blog aku da giler.."UNDER CONSTRUCTION"
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TO ALL MONYETS!It has been confirmed that we will be meeting on the 31st.And you better come.Will update you on the time ok.Cheers.Duduk La Kau Kat Rumah Sorang2 Gemok. Wakakaka.
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Hahaha..You're wishing too early to have a kid Fidah.. It may seem easy hearing bout people having kids. But wait till you have your own.. It will be different once u have your own kid.. But it will be one experience you'll always enjoy.
Thats her with her sick face.. Kesian pulak aku tgk.. tapi mengada sgt..
Da baik,nakal pulak.. Penat aku di buat nye..
Ok.. So you want to know about her dad eh.. Hmmm.. Ok.. 1st of all, He was and still is a jerk.. Hahaha.. Ok2.. Mase aku ngandong, the jerk was in prison la.. Pasal A.W.O.L. jadi aku tulis la surat bilang dia.. Dia reply balik cakap yg he will take responsibilty and nanti dia klua dia jumpa mak bapak aku la.. Dia nye release date was in Jan.. And aku nye due date was in Feb. So aku pikir sempat la untuk dia ade dgn aku kt delivery room tu.. Mmg sempat pun.. Pasal dia klua on 2nd Jan. Masa dia da klua tu, he did call me.. Saying he will come to my house on that day.. Aku tunggu macam nak mampos.. Sampai kul 4 pagi. Lobang idong dia pun aku tk nmpk. That was my 1st heartbreak with him. Pendek kan crite.. Dia janji nk dtg bnyk kali.. But everytime tk dtg.. Then i found out from my friend that he went around telling everybody, that he doesn't believe it was his child.. Dia kate aku bnyk menyundal.. That was when i totally gave up on him ever coming in my life.. I mean.. Kau tak percaya anak kau boleh ambik DNA test pe.. Aku boleh klua kan duit la.. And aku nye orang tak menyundal k! aku setia pada satu! But biasa la.. Being boys, EGO tetap ade. So on 31st Jan 2004, i gave birth to my beautiful Princess. (Anak aku tk sabar nak klua.) And has been happy ever since. The End.
Hahahah. Tak lah.. I mean that was the last i heard from him until last year nye last day of puasa. Kat geylang.. Saw him.. he saw me and the look in his eyes was enough to satisfy me. He was scared. Cause he knows i'll do terrible things when i'm mad.. Nasib baik aku tk tumbuk muka dia.. Da nk sampai sak tgn aku kt muka dia.. Nasib baik si Gemok tahan aku. Kalau tk.. da 1st day raya aku klua dgn tgn bengkak.. hahaha.. Kla.. Nanti kita jumpa aku bilang lagi k. Skg aku nak tdo.. Bsok nk g hosp.. Spine aku kan senget.. Wakakaka.. Cheers.
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YAY!!!Finally got the white kitten!Weeee!going to pick it up this Sat.Can't wait!YAY!!! Yessa! Yessa! Gonna Name My Kitten ZhozhoOh! Wakakaka.
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My little Gemok is sick..And is damn demanding.Especially when her "Ayah @.k.@ Gramps" is at home..Wahlao...Sakit kpale sak..Well..She has always been demanding even when her ayah is not around.And she's becoming more smart.That day she came up to me when i was angry at her..And she just smiled at me and said "I Love You Mama".How cute is that..She knows she can get away with anything these days just by being cute..Siow nye budak..Haiz..She's growing up too fast..It seems like only yest when i just gave birth to her,And the only thing she knows is to wail out loud.But now she's already 3.Waaaaahhh..I don't want my baby to grow up so fast.
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Hahaha..Iqah, Iqah..Mane ade busy..hahaha..Its just that i have nothing to blog about.Seriously blank.I know i use to have lots of things to write about.But these days,I'm just not in the mood to blog..I prefer just sitting down and watch tv.I'm feeling so weak actually.Just feel like doing nothing.And the fact that the Gemok (the Little 1),Is having a fever and i have to take care of her..Damn fussy sak..Sakit kpale aku..Ko ni iqah..Cakap aku kau pun same gak..Pi dah..Hahaha.Cheers.
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Lets recap my weekend..Went to East Coast Park on Saturday. Only me and Gemok. Reached there at about almost 9 at night. Rented the 2 seat bike. 20 bucks for overnite. Very cheap.
Ok, Now i'm proud to say... I have been to the end of ECP! Both ends!!!! It took us about 2 hours to cover the whole of ECP. Compare that to walking, We were going verrryyyy verrryyyyy fast. But obviously, No Pain No Gain. My butt hurt like hell.. I think i tore a ligament or something in my left thigh. Very the painful sak. Isk.
Next week we'll be going to Pulau Ubin. Wah siow wehhhhh.... He wants to make it a weekly activity that we go cycling somewhere. (Kau pikir kaki aku kaki robot pe?) Aiyoyo... Never mind.. I get to spend time with him. Anddd.. I get to bully him too... Wakaka.
Photos below.. Shoo.. I look funny sak.. Ngok tol nye Gemok.
Him.. As per normal.. Being "Un-Normal".
Kaki Ku Nak Tercabut Seh. Sakit La.
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Remember the 1st time we met?I didn't even talk to you.We went to View Road and played hide and seek.And you were on the other team,while i was on the other.The 1st time we met,I hated you..I hated your guts for playing with my friends feeling.On that day,
I never thought i would be here with you today,
Awaiting our 1 year Anniversary.Yet after that day,You called me every single night as i was just falling asleep,asking me a very stupid question."Kau kat mane ah tazz?"When you already know i'm at home.You asked me to come down to Woodlands even though it was way past 12 midnight,Even though you know there was no more transportation to get there.You were trying to strike a conversation and that was your lame attempt.You made me laugh in the middle of the night.The 2nd time we met,You were having problems in your relationship and so was i.I went up to you and talked to you.And i grilled you like an army commander,Asking you about why you were fooling around with my friend.And you were fumbling.And i laughed at you cause you were fumbling.And said i was only joking.Then we laughed.Then we started talking about stupid things.About me needing a bodyguard,And that you were my bodyguard for the night.And i jokingly asked you for a kiss.And you gave.You shocked the hell out of me.As i was only joking when i asked you for the kiss.That was where it all started.That was where you and me became "US".We were by each others side the whole night,playing hide and seek.You and i were always on the same team.When people asked,you said that you were hired to be my bodyguard.I laughed when you said that.And only now that i know you had already liked me on that day.Night went and morning came.We were already like a couple.Clinging to each other,not wanting to let go.It was time for me to go home.But you didn't let me go.You said i made you feel special.You said you needed me.You said that you guys have plans again for the night,and you wanted me to come.I stayed.When we were sleeping,You hugged me.I wanted to push you away.But you gave me a feeling that i longed for,SECURITY.You gave me what he couldn't.I knew i was doing something wrong,when at that point of time,I already belonged to somebody else.But i didnt want you to let go.I wanted you to hold me tight,even though i know you were not mine.Night came again..And that was when you asked me to be yours.I was full of doubts.I didn't want people to think i stole you from her.But you assured me,Your heart already belong to me.But i was still hesistant.I didn't want to let him go,but i didn't want you to go either.I told you i wasn't ready.I told you to give me time.And you said something to me,"Please, You made me feel LOVE again."And you turned away.Because you were crying.Because you knew i was going back to him.Because you knew what my decision was.But then he msged,saying it was over between me and him.And i cried.I wanted to die.Yet you held me tight in front of people,people who knew you were already attached.You held me tight,and said you would never let go till i wanted you to.And you told me to cry if i wanted to.And i cried.I soaked your shirt and you didn't even care.And then i noticed something.What i thought was rain,Was actually tears.You were crying.Crying with me.There and then,I realise i needed you.And i hugged you back.That was where our journey started. Officially.
30 March 2006. Remember this? This was our very 1st pic together.You loved this pic so much,even though we both look so awful.
 This was taken when i was crying.You saw me crying and came behind me and hugged me.You tried to make me laugh with your stupid antics.And you succeeded.And you asked me to take a pic with you to keep the memory.It was here you became my "BonBon".And i became your "BayBoo".And this has been your favourite pic ever since.I took what we had as fate.We were 2 souls sadden by our relationship.We were 2 souls that needed to feel love again.And we found that in each other.We were "SOULMATES".30 MARCH 2006
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Thanks Fidah,For taking your time to read my blog and words of advise.Thanks Azeana,For giving me words after words of wisdom.Thanks Syafiqah,For giving me support and strength.Thanks Nana(Elmo),For your wonderful courage and taking the time to hear my heart out.To all of you,Thank you for being my friend.Thank you for bothering to check up on me despite us just knowing each other.Thank you from the bottom of my heart.Thank you.It's Been A Long Time Since I Had Friends.
REAL FRIENDS.
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Listen to the song that i've put in my blog.
Title "Aku Tak Biasa" by "Alda".
An Indonesian singer.
This song was introduced to me by my dad when i was 4 years old.
And suddenly i remembered this song,
When i'm goin through this.
Cause its really how i feel..
Listen to it.
Lyrics are below.
Cheers.
Mungkin diriku harus begini
selamanya..
Darimu..
Atau ku harus mengakhiri cinta ini
kepadamu..
Kini cintaku telah kau bagi.
Tak sanggup kuhadapi semua ini.
Aku tak biasa,
Bila tiada kau disisiku.
Aku tak biasa,
Bila ku tak mendengar suaramu.
Aku tak biasa,
Bila tak memeluk dirimu.
Aku tak biasa,
Bila kutidur tanpa belaianmu.
Aku tak biasa..
Kucoba untuk terus berpaling dari hatimu,
Namun tak bisa.
Bayangan itu terus mengganggu dalam tidurku,
Kumenangis.
Kini cintaku telah kau bagi.
Tak sanggup kuhadapi semua ini.
Aku tak biasa,
Bila tiada kau disisiku.
Aku tak biasa,
Bila ku tak mendengar suaramu.
Aku tak biasa,
Bila tak memeluk dirimu.
Aku tak biasa,
Bila kutidur tanpa belaianmu.
Aku tak biasa..
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He came home yesterday.Asked me out.Just jalan2.I thnk he's feeling guilty.But the reason he asked me out cause he said he wanted to spend more time with me.Ya right.As if i don't know you enough.And he did something to the number that i found.Initially he saved it as "Sha".But then when i checked it again,He changed the name..To "Sharifah(Squad mate 06)"What the heck for?You've already got caught lying.So you think by changing the name i will forgive you?Guess again.I'm so tired of his pathetic ways of trying to cover up for all his lies.I've yet to question him on all those things i've found out.Lots of things.There will come a day when i sit him down and ask him all.Soon.And if he still denies,Then its really time.And iqah,I stole your pics from the chalet..lambat sgt nak dpt dari si fidah tu..Sorry.I'm Not Going To Be Predictable Anymore.I'm Going To Be The Old Me Where Nobody Could Guess What My Next Move Is.
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A quote from a dear friend made me think."LOVING YOU MAKES ME CRY, STILL LOVING YOU TILL I DIE."The best quote to fit my life as it is right now.Thanks for the quote.It really made me think a lot.
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I think i just made a stupid mistake.I was doing so good..Trying to let him know what's happening..Then my stupid self,went and msg him in the morning saying "Come back early k. I Miss You"Man!How stupid can i get?Now he will think everything is ok.But then again.He doesn't know the new me.I'm still going to ask him about it when he gets back tonight..But the thing is..I do miss him..But i don't want to see him..I'm scared i will jump at him and scratch and beat at him like a crazy woman..Guess the crazy woman in me can't stand being inside anymore.But..I Don't know how to start it when he gets back..I know for sure he thinks its all ok now..Haiz..i'm such a klutz.Maybe i'm the cause of him lying to me..Maybe i did something wrong till he can't take it anymore..I think that's it..I'm the one to be blame..Not him.Haiz.The fever sure is damaging my brain to think rationally.
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I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna knowPlease don't say you're sorryI've heard it all beforeAnd I can take care of myselfI don't wanna hear, I don't wanna knowPlease don't say "Forgive Me"I've heard it all beforeAnd I can't take it anymoreYou're not half the man you think you areSave your words because you've gone too farI've listened to your lies and all your stories You're not half the man you'd like to beDon't explain yourself cause talk is cheapThere's more important things than hearing you speakMistake me cause I made it so convenientDon't explain yourself, you'll never seeForgive me...
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"Leave Him""Be Strong""Find Somebody Better""Try Talking To Him"Lots Of Different Advise.But appreciate it all.Thanx Babes for all those words.I don't think i'm strong enough now..It's true that i should be strong after all those shits that he put me through before..But now..I'm just too tired..Too weak..And worse is..I'm having a fever that's way hotter than it should be.I just don't feel so well..
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What do you really want from me?You want me to let you have fun?Then go..No one's stopping you.But why are you still lying to me?What did i do wrong this time till you still have to lie to me?What?You know that you could tell me anything now..And i wouldn't mind..Or maybe you think i still haven't change..That's typical of you..Always thinking that i'm still the same..
When actually I've changed..The reason why you don't want to believe that i've changed,is because you don't want to be the one saying sorry..you don't want to tell me all that you've lied..Yet,You chose to belive that i haven't change.you chose to lie.And now look where it has taken us to..The fact is..It's you who hasn't change.I Don't Even Know Why I'm Crying,When You've Put Me Through This All The Time.
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You broke my heart one too many times..And yet i'm still with you..And yet i still come back to you..I don't know why i'm not strong when i'm with you.In the past, I could say goodbye without looking back..But yet now..I can't..It seems like i'm a stupid dog following whatever her master says.I hate you but i still love you.i don't know why..When in the 1st place,all you ever did was lie to me.You lied and lied and lied..The whole way through our relationship..And now..Marks a time where it seems as though we did the impossible by staying with each other for as long as a year.And now you're doing this.Lets recap all our past conflicts..And 80% of it was caused by you hurting our relationship.Now,I'm crying..Not because of what you just did..I'm crying because what we endured the past months are now wasted..And you wasted it..I Hate You So Much.but At the same time..i need you to hold me tight and tell me everything is ok.But i know that won't happen..Cause i have to make my choice.And i hope its the right one.I Have To Do This.To Teach You A lesson.That You Can't Hurt me Anymore.I Hate You.
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Hah!Shah bdk pondok eh?Ya right.I've already known who it was.And i was just trying to see what you would say..I knew you would say it's shah[D45].Only when i asked you,"Are You Sure? Bkn Sha budak pompan squad mate lama you?"Then you start fumbling for words..Then you started saying,"Oh.. Tu.."Stop acting stupid..When you know what i asked you in the first place..I asked you clearly,"Num sape yang kat kertas tu?"And yet you still can lie to me saying it was Shah[D45].Why do you still want to lie to me??You think i wouldn't figure out the truth?And yet now you're gone back to johor?Asal?Found out what i did and now you're feeling guilty?I don't think you'll change.It seems like you don't even want to change.And yet you said you want to get married.I don't think it will happen at all..If you still don't want to change..I Hate You.You've done enough.I should think bout myself now..Instead of always thinking bout you.Cause it doesn't pay at all..You're still the same guy who cheated on me..And i'm not going to marry that guy.What Else Do you Want From me?Isn't All This Enough??
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What i feared most is happening..Thanks Az,for your help..Damnit la..Ape lagi kau nak?!Just because i keep forgiving you so it means you can do it again?Thousands of people have told me that i'm stupid to still be with you.I know they are right..But still i chose to be with you..I seriously am stupid..I'm shaking uncontrollably right now..But the thing is,I don't feel like crying..I am sad and heartbroken..But not a single tear is coming out..I think its time..I've had enough..It's Time.
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Sorry for not updating.You can guess it as much if i'm not in msn for a few days,or if i haven't updated my blog..Then he's home.Yup.He's back.Okay..Az,I need your help here..Do you still remember that jerk's [You should know who kan?] number?Cause i found this num in gemok's hp..And the name written there is "Sha".But i don't know which Sha.Okeh..Okeh..I'm being stupid..But come on..First i found a paper with that number on..And now it's in his phone.It's like,Jak bila dia jumpa sha?And why would sha write his num on the paper when he can just say it out kan?Whatever la..I just need your help here Az..Greatly appreciated..Nanti aku upah pisang k..hehehe..Cheers.Who Else Is It Now Huh?
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After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises,And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief if a child,And you learn to build all your roads on today because tommorow's ground is too uncertain for plans.After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.And you learn that you can really endure.... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.And you learn and you learn... with every good-bye you learn.Easier Said Than Done.Everytime.
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When the clock strike 10..I knew it was time not to wait anymore.I know you're not coming home today.Why break my heart bit by bit.When you could kill it with one stab.Maybe i'm carrying it too far..But if you had called me in the 1st place.Maybe i wouldn't be sitting at the balcony, crying, waiting for you..Maybe i wouldn't jump at the sound of the door opening,with hopes it was you.Maybe my heart woudln't be in extreme pain.Maybe's, Maybe's ,Maybe's..All that could have been avoid if only you called.What's done is done.What has been hurt can't be undone.Hurting Just Ain't Enough Till You Face The Ugly Truth.
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I've given up hope on waiting for him to come home.Let him come home whenever he wants.it certainly doesn't pay worrying over someone who doesn't care.Let him worry bout me for a change.I'm too tired to worry bout him anymore..Since he doesn't even care.I'm Sorry, But I'm Done.
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Our big day is approaching..But he's no where to be found.And the clock is just ticking away..It may not be a big thing to him..But it is to me..He's the 1st guy i've ever been with for 1 WHOLE year.Yes..I was a bitch last time..Not that i'm not anymore.But i was a bitch who had too many guys to handle..In short,I was a "playgirl".Now i'm not..Wondering where is he right now.I seriously hate him right now.For not being here with me.Why Of All Times Now?
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He still hasn't come home.And not a single call either.Have been crying from just now.Wondering what he's doing.Where he is..What if something happened to him?My mind's goin wild right now..I just wish he could call me and at least tell me he's alright.I hate him but i love him.Go figure.
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Where are you?What time are you coming home?I miss you.Don't You See?
No Matter How Big My Ego Is..
I'm Still The One Running Back To You..
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Changed my skin.Depicts what i'm feeling right now.Thats bout it.Bye.I Love You So Much Till I Hate You.
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Well,Gemok is in johor for the night.Don't know when he'll return.My stomach is being very stupid.I'm having this weird sensation in my stomach.Something like a washing machine like that.Eg: Remember the 1st date or 1st time you meet someone you like and suddenly you have this weird sensation in your stomach?Eyyup..Thats it.Only this time it means something bad, not good.Definitely not good.I can feel it.I don't know what it means though.Why am i not believing the fact that Gemok is really in johor?Oh wait.. I think i know why.That day, He asked somebody what time SHE finished work,And it was damn well not me.I mean, for what purpose does he have in asking somebody what time she finishes work?A girl somemore..A guy, i couldn't care less.But a girl?Oh come on..I'm your girlfriend here ok..Not some lame-ass loser who waits and waits and waits..Ok.. maybe i am..But not for any more longer,i think.I am your G.I.R.L.F.R.I.E.N.D!!Wait. wait.To be more precise..Your WIFE-TO-BE damnit!God!Why do you make it so hard for me to trust you?Oh wait..I know the answer to this too..Cause you're a fucking liar!And yet you said i lied.When till now you're still lying.It's ok.I'm fine.Heck.What am i supposed to do?Question you till we get into a fist fight again?Oh no, no, no, no..Till you lay your hands on me again?I don't think so mister.I'm going to turn it up a notch.And if you can't keep up,Say bye-bye mister.And This Time Its For Real. I Ain't Gonna Be Your Doormat Anymore.
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Lately,I've been having this weird feeling.That something is going to go wrong.Call it a "Woman's Intuition", i guess.The things is that i've had this feeling before,And i had pushed it away..And the "WORSE" did happen.And now the feeling is back.And i'm terrified.I know i can't tell him.All he'll say is "Mrepek ah".Merepek mmg merepek..But it concerns you too.And it was about you from the start.Remember how i told you bout this feeling before..And you brush it off aside?The next thing we knew..We were biting each others head off.Well yeah,Its that feeling again.You seem different now.Not a bit..But a WHOLE lot.Yes.You're different.From the person who said he wanted to marry me.Now you are like a complete stranger to me.Don't blame it on work load.Is it just me..Or do you seem to despise the sight of me?Ask anybody,and they'll too notice the change in you.Tell me what i'm supposed to do now.It's just so confusing on what i should do..Should i push this feeling away again?Or should i confront it?Or maybe,I should confront YOU?Time's Awaiting. For You To Love Me Again.
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Ok.So here's my update for the day.Went to Pasir Ris Aloha just now.The pondok guys had a chalet.Didn't stay for long though.Only a while.Tunjuk muka terus bla..Haha..No lah.Got to meet a few of the monyet clan today.It was funny how we've met a couple of times but never talked before..And suddenly we were communicating through blog,And now it seems as though we've known each other for a long time.Haha.Kecohrable.Oh yeah.Somebody was jealous...!!Who else if not Gemok.Gemok was complaining,keep saying "Ape saje je.. Monyet la.. Ape la.. Girls.Girls.. Haiz."Jealous kan gemok?Pasal awak tkde clan monyet kan??Hahaha.Aniways,We (The Monyet Clan) took some pics.Wasn't much.And am still waiting for fidah to send the other pics. Thats me and (Tadaa!), our boss a.k.a Miss Iqah.Muka aku mcm terselit kat tingkap gitu..Hahaha.. Here's another pic of us girls.Top: Miss Iqah and Miss YanaBottom:Miss Nadia and Miss Fidah. And here's a pic of the infamous "KAWAN SEJATI"Hahaha..Sori iqah..Just couldn't resist putting it in here.Hahs! Here's Gemok doing something which i don't bother to know.It was just a snap shot of him that i took at a moment of boredom.Ok. So me and Gemok reached home around 11+ i think..And guess what..Not barely 10 mins upon reaching home.He's already sleeping!See! Sort je otak aku..Always sleeping..And no time for us..I don't care.Gonna jump on him as soon as i finish all my stuffs.Well,the outing wasn't much..But it was fun meeting my fellow "Monkey-ians".Ok,Now i'm going to jump on my Gemok!Weeee!Oh yah..Somebody was not there.NANI!!
Till Next Time My Fellow Monkeys!
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OK.I'm feeling much better after my sleep.Not completely better but at least much better.Haiz.Ok, so..Seriously,Pardon my foul language in my previous post.That's me,when i get mad over something,I just let everything go.Everywhere.Haiz.I think i have to attend an anger management class.Again.But what good will it do.
I've attended once before during my sec school years.And i was still the same after that course.Maybe they hypnotised me or something..Hahaha..Ok.I'm so looking forward to the chalet tonight..To release my stress.I wanna have fun tonight!And you girls better come!Sometimes I Wonder, Do I Have To Get Angry Before You Let Me Do What i Want? What Am I? A Baby?
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CIBAI LA SIAK!!FUCK ALL OF YOU LA!!PUKIMAK BODOH!SIAL!!FUCK OFF LA BUTO!KANINA LA!Sorry for the very foul language. I am not in my best mood today. So pls, don't disturb me!!
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I don't know what the hell i'm doing at 7 in the morning writing my blog for.Oh yeah.I'm fucking pissed.This so called family can't even give me a chance to breathe.Siak ah..hari2 aku kat rumah pun tk cukup pe?aku nak klua skali skala je kau cakap aku lupa kan tanggungjawab aku..Eh pls lah..Think 1st before saying anything la.Early in the morning everybody is making me pissed.And as for him.Da tau org tu nak mintak duit untuk bill,Yang pandai2 g beli kasot for $49 buat pe?kasut tu semua tak penting la skg.Kau kasut belambak pe.Buto la!What a great way to spoil my day.This is certainly not my day.KNN to all who spoil my fucking day!!
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Ok..Seriously,I don't know what to write..My mind has gone totally blank..My stupid brain has decided to desert me at a time when i'm bored.Stupid.I've been noticing something bout me..Now i no longer write in short forms or in other forms..I seem to be writing every single word in their real forms..Together with all the aphostrophe and such.I'm becoming such a weirdo.See.Every single word.Don't know whats wrong with me..Ok.Can't wait to meet my fellow "monkey-ians" tomorrow.Haha..Don't worry az and others.We'll meet up soon..Very soon..Depending on your schedules la..Korang kan star karat..Aku dengan iqah nak kene tunggu korang nye "ok" baru boleh plan..Siak betul ah korang.Cepat2 la pegi free kan schedule korang..Monyet tol..Cheers.At Long Last. You're Back In My Arms. Where You Really Belong.
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This is what u get when u can't sleep at 2.30 in the morning.Pics, Pics,And More Pics. Here's my daughter doing what she does best.Being absolutely adorable.  Eh,Jgn main2 ah..She's taking her BTT next month ok..Hahah..  Dats her again.Still revising for her BTT.wah..Rajin nye anak aku nie..Ok.Enough of my daughter.Here are some random pics of my room.Tadaaa!! If you're wondering where i get the name "TAZZY" from..There's your answer.. From this big thing (i dnt know what its called).Yerp.Taz is my name. Goddamnit! Where The Fuck Are You?
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I dont feel like doing anything..I just wanna lie down and rot away..Now what will your parents think after what happend yest?After what you presumably told them yesterday.I dont tink i'll be meeting them anytime soon..Neither will i see you anytime soon.Or anyone else,as a matter of speaking.I just want to rot away and be invisible.Believe In Yourself Before You Believe In Others..
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Can i pls end my life..Right here..Right now..I just don't want to see anybody.I just want to rest in peace.Life is totally not on my side.i think it wants me dead.Fuck la!.I just want to die.Then crying 24/7 thinking what the hell is happening right here.. Take It All Away Pls. I've Had Enough.
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What's the worst that could happen?If things just dont work out.Worst comes to worst.Dying is the best.Hey.Thats the best i've ever thought of today.i couldnt do much better.I Hate Myself.
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Life's tough enough as it is.And now this.U tell people that you're single now when we just fought.And the next minute you're beside me joking.I hate being the one who destroys our relationship.I hate my life right now.Life sure sucks.Shutting my life down is possibly the best thing to do.All i do is make shits for people i love.Maybe its better this way.So i don't hurt anyone.Anymore.Its For The Best. I Hope.
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"Why"A word that lurks in my mind..Why.Despite you knowing that all i do is make u sad.Why.Despite u knowing i'm the worst for you.Why.When all i do is turn u into a "useless guy".Why.When you said you've had enough of me.Why.When u said u dont know for how long u can take all this.Why.Do you still want to be with me after all i've put you through.Why.Tell Me.I dnt want you to regret your decision.Be really sure i'm the one you want to spend your life with..Make really sure of it.I'll still be right here waiting your decision.Dont go ard telling people you're single and the next minute we're laughing.Dont say it was in the moment of anger.Think bout yourself now..Dont think about me.Think whats best for you.I know im not.Waiting For You Is My Decision. What's Yours?
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I've withstand the harshest pain & hurt a human can get. My weakness is love.
And i'll do anything for the people i love. I've been told that i can be intimidating, but at the end of the day, i might just be your best friend.
I do not wish to hate but if i've been hated, i'll be more than please to return the favour.
Simply said..
I'm known as P G Tazzy Yana or Tazz. I'm 22. I have 1 daughter,ZAPHIA. I'm a part of P G.
And i'm happy with my life.